Beyond the Ferocity Within

[Ariel]

Use this thread to discuss the following blog post:

Beyond the Ferocity Within

[Cassie]

What to do in the midst of the fire within? That's a good question. At the moment I'd l wish I could rip open my chest to get rid of the dark energy that feels like it's trapped swirling around my heart center.

Karen's new post is definitely welcome news. I hope it's almost over. I don't really know what to do...meditation is pretty uncomfortable...the mind wants to busy itself so it can be distracted from the energy. I tried laying down and surrendering to the energy for an hour...it's still there ...I'm probably unconsciously resisting it...BLAH. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better at least, Ariel.

By the way where did you find that Oneness book again? I really liked the quotations from it.

Also, thanks for the Adyashanti reference. Hope you're having fun hangin' out in New York!

[January]

I tried laying down and surrendering to the energy for an hour...it's still there ...I'm probably unconsciously resisting it...BLAH.

Unconsciously?!

Doesn't seem that unconscious to me. Surrendering is not about: "I hope this goes away... I hope this goes away... I hope this goes away...", you know? First of all, hope indicates despair, which is pretty much useless in my point of view. And surrendering is about... well... the realization that the energy may or may not go away.

May or may not.

And either way, it's all good.

[Cassie]

Doesn't seem that unconscious to me. Surrendering is not about: "I hope this goes away... I hope this goes away... I hope this goes away...", you know? First of all, hope indicates despair, which is pretty much useless in my point of view. And surrendering is about... well... the realization that the energy may or may not go away.

Hahaha, you're absolutely right! I think I surrender for about 5 seconds, then it gets more intense and I go, "Uuuugghhh just go away already!" in my head. Dying on the inside can be tough stuff sometimes...making jokes about it and being light-hearted helps though. I know that as much as I complain sometimes, I asked for every bit of this experience just like everyone else...it would be nice if it went away before my three-hour lecture in one hour though...lol, and I'm back to square one.

[Ariel]

haha yeah, exactly. Surrender isn't about trying to get rid of something (which is actually a form of resistance), but allowing the energy to roast you alive if it must and saying yes to that.

I also had the same experience where my typical tools like surrendering, meditation, resting as awareness just didn't really work. It seems like it finishes whenever it's ready to finish, hence the importance of allowing it to do its thing. The Adya thing I posted did help though, but I dunno if correlation implies causation in this case, y'know?

As for the Oneness book, I literally felt guided to go to the bookstore one day, walked right up to the book, and plucked it off the shelf. It was that simple.

[Joanna]

Hi
You know, funny, as I've experienced this whole down-side very recently...a lot of ego kicking and jumping, a lot of sadness, a lot of "I don't get it" stuff...there were moments of clarity that kept me going, in those moments I could feel that everything is ok, no matter what. But then again, darkness, lack of acceptance, etc. And I'm coming back to my usual shape now, feeling that something has been worked over. It's a good feeling, but I'm trying not to get attached to it, as Ariel wrote.
Anyway, just wanted to say that this post resonated with me a lot. It's nice to see I'm not the only one going through such things

Love
Joanna