For myself I have just recently started to be more aware of the way I communicate with people, and what and how I want to express myself.
What I wanted to express about myself
- Share how I am feeling, which emotions I am feeling, what I am thinking, what I want, etc. at that moment.
- Do/say as I like, and not letting as much as possible the social values/standard hold me down/back.
- Expressing my wants/desires/preferances.
Simultaneously, how I want to treat the other while expressing myself
- I want to genuinely accept and respect the other their selfes and how they which to express them selfes. I want the other therefore to feel that they can be them selfes, and that I will not be the person to tell them that certain words/behaviour/wants/desires is not in line with the social values/standard.
- I want the other to know/feel that I accept that if the other feels/expresses that our wants/desires do not match, that I accept/respect that.
Basic structure of my "emotional communication"
Through reading and own experiences this has resulted in what I like to call; "emotional communication". To make it "work" totally, one has to be able to be honest and genuine with oneself as with the other.
The structure of it often is like this:
I: I Say I want something from the other
Other: Says NO, because reason
I: I compliment other for being .... I summarize what other did/do/say. I tell how that makes me feel inside. Then I tell what I would liked to have happened.
Other: Usually amazed, and often trying to be as helpful as they can at that moment to help me with what I want.
To give a shortend summarized version of a recent example, of when I was walking down the street:
I: I think you look amazing, I want to get to know you better over a drink. wanna join me?
She: Well No, I am kind of busy.
I: I accept that if you have other things planned, that you have no time. And it’s good of you that you are honest about that. But, it makes me feel rejected and also disappointed at the same time. It is not what I hoped would happen of course. I would have liked you to say, that you were curious about me as well.
She: [smiles] To also be true, I do have some time actually. What’s your name?
And things went further from there.
Also times people really don’t have time, or can’t help you. But when you are being honest, they usually are very nice and helpful I noticed.
Because I am really looking and being genuine with how I fell and expressing that, I feel the feeling at that moment totally I notice. And when I do that, most people I see simultaneously also feel what I feel with me at the same time. Because I express it so genuinely and feel it truly so. Funny thing is that often times, people (especially females) are standing there with moist eyes. Really emotional stuff.
If you try it/want to do it also, or already do this also. I would Love to hear your experiences about it. If you try it, please let me know what it did for.
Bye Scarface,
P.S. The book that I read from was: “the mind as medicine”
P.S.S. This way of communicating has also helped me to better see what is going on within me. And therefore to better see how I am, programmed/conditioned and genetically tempered. It also gives greater “confidence”, being honest and vulnerable. I don’t know why, but I noticed it for myself it is the case.
I often forget to gently push people in that way.