Tony Robbins on The 5 Relationship Stressors

Category Love, Relationships

For this Valentine’s Day, speaker Tony Robbins sent out a series of videos with some very helpful insights and perspectives about intimate relationships. Realizing that we all have our own unique perspectives when it comes to everything, including intimate relationships, let’s now take a look at how important it is to be open and honest about our perceptions with our significant other and what can happen when we are less than open about how we’re feeling with another.

Check out this pair of videos and see if they hit home for you. They definitely do for me.

Relationship Stressors, Part 1:

Relationship Stressors, Part 2:

Let’s summarize the main points of what Tony and Sage have to offer here:

The 5 Relationship Stressors

1) Loss of Attraction

2) Increase in Irritation

Resistance (Not speaking the unspokens)
Resentment (Being annoyed by the other)
Rejection (Being harsh with the other)
Repression (Learned helplessness)

3) Loss of Physical Passion

4) Loss of Commitment

5) Build Negative Story

I know that for me, personally, I really don’t like holding back out of fear. I love the sense of honesty, liberation, and freedom that telling the truth brings. I love feeling connected to another, feeling that I can really be myself and share what’s coming up for me and to have them be connected to this inner side of me.

When I hold back, I suffer and the relationship suffers. When I let go, the relationship has a much better opportunity to flourish and thrive.

Have you guys noticed this pattern that Tony talks about unfold within your own relationships?

Have you noticed a difference between the times when you allowed yourself to be open and vulnerable enough to really share what’s bugging you, versus the times when you wanted to hold back your truths out of fear of loss or some other fear?

What’s your experience been like so far?

Continued Discussion | Post a Forum Comment

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14 Responses to “Tony Robbins on The 5 Relationship Stressors”

Jean said:

Thanks for the links Ariel, very interesting.
Yeah Valentine’s Day is coming, there is a nice book by Greg Baer called Real Love.
Here is a preview: http://books.google.de/books?i....._1#PPR1,M1

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Danke.
Ismaelia said:

Hi Ariel,

I find this post a little confusing. Am I to create a story or release all stories? How does unconditional love fit into these stressors? My friend and teacher recently said to me,” Romantic love is bogus.” A bit harsh but…doesn’t he have a point?

I do agree with the concept that to punish another is to punish yourself. Of course, we’re all One!

Sending you love and joy. :-))

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Well keep in mind Tony isn’t about enlightenment. He’s about personal development and mastering the mind which is a different game than transcending the mind.

The point I wanted to focus on was the idea of being very honest and open. The part about the stories is a secondary thing, at least for the context of this post.

Romantic love as in the idea that “you complete me” or “I can’t live without you” is bogus, yeah. That’s silly when you realize you are whole, complete, and infinite. How could you be missing anything?

Love and joy received and thoroughly enjoyed!

vvwalzbe Reply:
February 14th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
The idea of the story here shows you that you can see what you want to see. Tony mentioned that you see what you’re looking for so if you tell yourself a story, especially a negative one, you start seeing that and finding proof of the little things. Stuff like someone not doing the dishes becomes a deliberate attack on you rather than they were just too busy at that moment. I took his idea of changing your story into a more positive one as just opening up and letting the negative go. In my experience, if you aim at just being and tap into the inner joy and peace that just is, you’re able to really connect more and truly enjoy the other person.

As far as the romantic love, yes the concept that you need someone else to fulfill you is horrible. If you approach it from a stage of being complete and just enjoying the other person then romantic love can be AMAZING. I love spoiling a partner or even a great friend with an elaborate meal and the little things that make their day (ie a more romantic love). I see it as a wonderful opportunity to give unconditionally and spread joy. I find great joy and a sense of completeness and connectedness in doing the little acts like this that make someone’s day. It’s a way to honor the other person and spread love.
Julie said:

Experience so far…it takes me a long time to really get to those stages, I’m very honest if something is bothering me, and not afraid to say it. By the time I do reach these stages for any length of time it’s usually the end.

I would rather end things amicably when I feel that there is nothing left to save, instead of letting resentment build up to the point that I don’t even have a fondness for the person anymore. Maybe that’s why it seems they have a hard time moving on though, they don’t feel that I don’t love them anymore. Which is true. I love unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean that the relationship is still meeting my needs.

I have changed so much in the last year that it will be fun to see what a new relationship will be like now!

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
How YOU doin’?

~ Julie Reply:
February 13th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Sumiran said:

On the occasion of valentine day, I as always reminded by the sufi way of loving; the divine romance. The way Rumi speak, or the Khayyam, they call the god their valentine.. Their journey becomes love affair.

Sumirans last blog post..Rekindling the Divine Love: Letter from The Master
Nicholas Powiull said:

Here is what I learned the most: Honor your feelings as number one. When you make it your number one priority to feel good, then you allow yourself to ‘create from a place of positive energy’. Hence when you’re feeling good, you express ‘feel good energies’ to your relationship.

Along with this, is realizing that nothing around you in your environment especial people need to change in order for you feel good. Feeling good comes from within and when you’re not feeling good it’s because your perspective is different then that of your ‘Source’. Feelings are the language of ‘the soul’ and you can be aligned with who you really are by paying close attention to how you feel.

Nicholas Powiulls last blog post..Powiull Sleep Day 10-11 (Adopting Powiull Sleep: Different Methods): by Nicholas Powiull

vvwalzbe Reply:
February 14th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
awesome!
Ismaelia said:

Yes, This is how I feel about relationships as well. When I feel annoyed or disappointed in my relationship I look inward to realign with Source and then I realize that I had a certain expectation that comes from ego not my true nature. I release that expectation and the annoyance vanishes as well. My partner becomes my teacher without even knowing it! I am grateful for the lesson and for him and I am grateful for the opportunity to share on this blog. Yay!
Jessica said:

I second that, Sumiran. I pulled out my Rumi book from the closet today and posted my favorite.
Thanks for these videos, Ariel!

Jessicas last blog post..Rumi for Valentine’s Day
Jessica said:

…and as far as the question of what has my experience been like:
Yes, I’ve seen the patterns Tony talks about and recognize all the stages. It is always more refreshing to the relationship to say in constructive ways what is bothering us. Husband likes to hold back, as Tony was talking about, then I can feel it build into this passive-aggressive resentment. Once we talk about what’s bugging him, I nod my head, I rephrase what he just told me, and say I understand. This always puts him in a better mood.

Jessicas last blog post..More Rumi for Valentine’s