The Stripping Away of self

Category Death, Ego, Emotion, Enlightenment, Love, Surrender

The Guiding Light by Philip Kuglin

This is sooooo not what I thought it would be or what I was expecting it to be, this whole awakening thing.

It feels like I’m being wiped out, deleted, cleansed away, the little “me” anyways. I’m not completely done by any stretch of the imagination, but rather right in the midst of the process.

Everything I was doing that was so important, it’s all falling away.

The Dissolution of Identity

I used to seek all the time, and that’s falling away. Who am I when I’m no longer motivated by needing to figure things out?

I used to try to wrap my mind around stuff, but that’s falling away. Who am I without understanding?

If I’m not using my mind to know what to do, how can I fully trust that I’ll know what to do regardless? Who am I when I begin to rely on the mysterious invisible ever-present knowingness rather than the power of my own mind, the way people have done for thousands of years?

I used to derive a sense of self-worth by being able to prove myself and my understandings to others, but that feels like a pointless game when Reality is simply something that must be experienced. Who am I when I no longer need to prove anything to anyone, even myself?

I used to think there were multiple things that could be separate and yet somehow connected, or one thing which people could point to and call God, but now I’m finding there is no thing that can even be pointed to in the first place. Who am I if there is nothing? Not the mind’s understanding of nothingness as if it was some blank empty space devoid of color and shape, but a holographic existence with no things…

I used to define myself by my roles and personality, but there is no one home to identify with any of those things in the first place. Who am I without a sense of self who can identify with anything?

There’s nothing left to figure out, only more to become conscious of. What do I do when I’m no longer trying to figure things out? (or right now, at least without as strong of a pull)

and how can it be that this feels so much more natural than the effortful existence of before?

It’s such a wonky transitional place to be in, different and beyond what I’m used to, yet still perfectly natural.

Beyond the Honeymoon of Awakening

The whiz-bang awakening experiences of WHOAAAA, THIS IS WHO I AM!? seem to be settling down and there’s a falling/surrendering into the stillness. I’ve heard it called “the honeymoon of awakening” and that’s a wonderful description of it.

To be perfectly honest, I have absolutely no idea if I’m even enlightened… and strangely enough, it doesn’t matter! Why don’t I know? Because there is no one to be enlightened, no one to try to be enlightened, no one to wonder if so-and-so is enlightened at all. It’s just pure conscious existence with no identity.

What is is sooooo simple that it’s so easy to overlook, despite the fact that it’s right there, staring you in the face. It’s what’s doing the staring. The consciousness/awareness/beingness with no identity and no sense of self. It’s so obvious that it’s almost too easy to overlook due to its simplicity. Beingness itself feels totally normal.

There’s a nameless formless consciousness which moves all of life, but there is no one there to do any of it. There is no one inside of a person. There is just the movement of life itself, and the resistance to that which people call “personal will.”

Nothing is being gained by awakening, for you already are everything and thus it’s impossible to gain anything. Rather, I’m being stripped away of all that I am not and never was, despite the fact that paradoxically, I am everything. As confusing as that is to the mind, it makes perfect sense within and is somehow inexplicably totally obvious.

Coming to Terms with the Ending

Adyashanti talks about ending here in this video, and about halfway through the video he says the following:

Everything is beginning and ending and yet there is that which is neither beginning nor ending.

Anything that arises will fall away. Everything that arises will fall away. Everything.

Some things you really want to fall away will fall away.

In fact, things have fallen away that.. you still haven’t come to grips with the fact that they’ve fallen away!

Blammo! That last line totally cracked me up because that perfectly reflects my current experience.

All that’s left is to surrender ALL experiences, including the experience of awakening, the experience of reading or writing this post, the thought of if this is true or that is true… everything is surrendered the moment it arises and there’s nothing left to cling to. NOTHING.

Awakening is not the end of the spiritual journey, but the beginning.. yet it is beyond all beginning and ending…

From the Mind to the Heart

Adyashanti and Loch Kelly talk about “The Journey After Awakening” together in this video:

What’s particularly interesting to me is how they talk about awakening starting to settle in as it awakens from mind into the emotional center. When this happens, you begin to experience unity from not only the state of mind, but also from the place of emotion. I’ve just begun looking into this the past day or so, and have begun posting about it on the forums. I would love for you to come in and share your ideas and perspective, by the way!

In the video above, the discussion halfway through about the unconditional and impersonal yet absolutely intimate love was particularly fascinating.

I’m so glad that there’s more to awakening because I’m definitely not yet feeling the superbliss/love/ecstacy/satchidananda and without that, awakening seems like somewhat of a letdown.

Sooo glad about this. It’s a tremendous relief… Phew!

My gut says that the impersonalness is actually okay, despite the protests of the mind. What’s necessary is to drop down into and awaken the heart so that it can manifest and express itself as all forms of love, personal and impersonal.

Boy oh boy…

Continued Discussion | Post a Forum Comment

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17 Responses to “The Stripping Away of self”

Psiplex said:

The realization process is at once natural and liberating and filled with moments of mystification. Underpinning it all is a sense of peace that is felt and an unburdening of the buttresses that once held the walls of illusion in an upright position. There is such a sense of permanance and expansion and a deep, deep appreciation for every moment of life-all so miraculous including the ah-ha and the I dunno’. Nothing to be done anyway :-)

One Love

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 20th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Glen Allsopp said:

I’m trying to become more present and more awake on a daily basis, but to be honest I’m starting to feel more and more disconnected from everything.

I guess that’s a good thing though, the usual problems for humans just don’t bother me at all. With that said, I also haven’t felt this amazing ‘bliss’ that I would like to experience, at least only once or twice.

Cheers,
Glen

Glen Allsopps last blog post..The Most Inspiring Video You’ll Watch This Year

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 am
Yeah Glen, it seems like detaching from the madness is a definite part of the process, where we can allow the world to totally be as it is.

There’s also the other half which is the deep sense of compassion and love for all that is, and I’m not sure that can be forced or faked. Like most everything else, it arises on its own when resistance to it is relinquished.

Glad to hear how you’re doing these days on your journey.
Ismaelia said:

Dear Ariel,

I feel such an incredible joy for you as if it were my own and I guess it is. :-) My teacher friend once said to me, “I know you.” and I had no idea what he meant. I can’t explain it but I now share that sentiment with you. I know you, Ariel.
Namaste, friend. All is well.

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 am
lol, I feel so naked and vulnerable!
Nicholas Powiull said:

My whole life I was trying to be spiritual. Trying to take the nonphysical (my idea of it) and project it into this physical place. Of course I saw the nonphysical to be pure, perfect, positive energy.

Now in this awareness there is no perfect or imperfect (or any opposites) and therefore either or is irrelevant, it just is. Ever present beingness, nothingness, awareness.

I watched the rest of those videos and I hear him saying the samething in every video because it all derives from the same place. This instilled awareness.

I have heard the things he says most my life. But I never was in this awareness.

Just trying to explain it, you must reach the level of the mind/ego. It really is not explainable.

However, It’s not what you do, what you say, how you say it, the actions people see. It’s the instillness in his voice, the no thoughts in his pausing, the non-movement in his actions that spreads this awareness.

To actually understand this is one side, but to be it… Is an experience of OH THAT… yeah. lol

I understand now what all the gurus where teaching. They were teaching this awareness, but it’s not a teaching and can’t be taught or learned. I thought I understood before but I was not in this awareness to experience it because I was trying. The trying is what holds the illusion in place.

I heard that guru derives from meaning gu=dark ru=light. I thought I understood that. They merge both and see no duality/mind/ego, I get that… but to ‘get that (the ego)’ and actually ‘BE (instilled nothing awareness) that’ is such an obvious difference once you are allowing this awareness.

I slept on a sleeping pattern were I was only sleeping 15 minutes every 4 hours around the clock. It averaged 1.5 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I did this for 273 days. When I did this, my mind stopped. There was no thoughts going in or out. It has been that way ever since, even when I returned back to monophasic sleep. However even with the mind/ego/fear/opposites stopping. This awareness I am now was not my experience.

It’s funny for me to be in this now when I was always in it, just was not experiencing it. Even as the struggle was stopped, I still didn’t experience this awareness even though it was present. Never-ending it is present.

Yet, I can not pin-point a time or thing that caused this awareness to be present in this experience now (even though it was always there). Yes it was earlier today in that aspect and yes it was a building up of many thing in my whole physical experience in that aspect. And yes there is no time associated with it, in that aspect. The merging of the logical aspect of this with the emotion aspect.

This awareness is so instilled of silence and there is much silence in the noise. This awareness is the all of everything, the oneness. That is a flood of emotion to just cry in this awareness for no reason of it but that is just is. And laugh too at the irony of this whole thing.. lol

I could be in this awareness and be here always, there is no sense to do anything or say anything and not react to anything other than this awareness.

I write articles for a living and teach but now I see there is nothing to teach or learn because this awareness can not be taught or learned.

However, I see that this awareness can uplift people just by being in this awareness and allowing this awareness to be uplifted in the conscious awareness of this, to those that are ‘ready’ for it. In this, video and seeing that presence is perhaps what does it more effectively. lol Not that have to, but like you I am determining who I am in this awareness and since there is nothing to do (ego does the doing) only be in this awareness. lol Yes you know… I can tell you know by this article and your comments. There is no sense of explaining it… it’s funny in the very nature of this awareness, this instillness…

It’s not what you say that does it. It’s your presence while you are saying ‘whatever you say’. You uplift in others ‘that are ready’ that instillness, that awareness, that nothingness.

Nicholas Powiulls last blog post..Powiull Sleep Day 10-11 (Adopting Powiull Sleep: Different Methods): by Nicholas Powiull

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
Nicholas, beautiful
Giovanna Garcia said:

Hi Ariel

When we stop try to be …and just be! That is our true self. Then being comfortable in our own skin. That is how we accept who we are.
Thank you for a wonder post with so much enlighten information.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

Giovanna Garcias last blog post..How to make a decision in 2 second?

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 am
It’s so simple, isn’t it Giovanna?
Sumiran said:

You are experience seems to be the classical example of dissolving ego and state of total surrender..
Kabir says: drop disappeared into ocean (where are u searching drop now)
Ekhart Tolles says: the state of presence.

Such a soothing message to us!
Cheers and congratualtion

Sumirans last blog post..Road Map for Spiritual Journey
Roldan F. Smith said:

when you are still trying, you are not there…
when you are still doing, you are not there…
when you are still explaining, you are not there..
when you are still rationalizing, you are not there…
when you are thinking you are beginning, you are not there…
when you are thinking you are ending, you are not there…

Because there is no there.
Only here.
And here to is fleeting even beyond this very moment.

Oh see… now it too is gone and but a memory.

there is no beginning.
there is no ending.
there is no doing.
there is no explaining.
there is no rationalizing.

there is only being.
there is only experiencing.
there is only learning.
there is only growing.
there is only enjoying.
there is only appreciating.

there is only Pure Essence in the experience,
which is nothing of the intellectual.
the intellectual is a conduit for this life experience.
reality is neither real or imagined,
and yet it is both that creates/supports the experience.
that is Life.

The force that feeds that reality/illusion
IS Love.
cliche? maybe, but no less True.
Love truly is all that is.
But the EXPRESSION of Love (Life) is…

Creating,
Experiencing,
Learning,
Expanding,
Enjoying,
Growing,
Loving,
Laughing.

These are nothing you DO.
These are results of the doing.
But do nothing, but love (action).
And the Experience is exactly the same.

The illusion is then the reality and vice versa.
And the two are perfect in every way.

Know it.
Be it.
Share it.
Stop trying so hard.
Move on.

Simple. Perfect. Bliss.

I Am.
As are You Am.

Adoni,
A.llen O.wen

Roldan F. Smiths last blog post..Is Your Number Up?
Roldan F. Smith said:

oh, and one more thing…

“thinking” is not your enemy.
but believing that your thoughts really matter is.
and yet… they do.

(chew on that one for a minute =)

Roldan F. Smiths last blog post..Is Your Number Up?
Tim @ MiniLifeHacks said:

Before awakening, harvest rice.
After awakening, harvest rice.

Tim @ MiniLifeHackss last blog post..How to Eat your Snack Slowly and Make it Last

On Common Ground Reply:
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 am
LOL. Right, Tim. Or for the contemporaries in the room, I’ve also heard it said,

Before awakening, do the laundry.
After awakening, do the laundry.

=)~
Jessica said:

Wow, I love your honesty about the process you are going through. All the great philosophers have that question at the root of everything they do: Who am I?
Well, who am I if I have nothing to cling to? Who am I without my story? Was it all an illusion? And what do I do with all these memories? Great post.

Jessicas last blog post..As without, so within?
Jessica said:

Tim and On Common Ground, I’ve also heard:
Before awakening, chop wood, carry water.
After awakening, chop wood, carry water.
I love thinking this to myself because it grounds me and keeps me connected to everyone else!

Jessicas last blog post..As without, so within?