Posts Tagged ‘Personal Experiences’
When our bodies get sick, perhaps we catch a cold, get the flu, or run a fever, what are some of the symptoms? Runny nose, high temperature, etc. These symptoms are not actually a problem, as uncomfortable as they may be. They are the body’s way of ridding itself of the crud. It’s part of a sort of detoxification purging process. It’s not comfortable. It’s not pleasant. But it is necessary to release the previously collected junk.
Trying to stop the symptoms actually inhibits the healing. Allowing them to do what they need to do allows for the greatest possible speed in flushing through and out of your system.
Similarly, when you stop eating a familiar food or drinking a familiar drink, the body may crave that food or drink for a little while and you may experience a sense of withdrawl, a sense that something that used to be a part of “your energy” is now missing. It feels like something is lacking, in a sense, and we all know how “off” the feeling of lack can be.
It seems that we can go through the same sort of thing emotional, mentally, physically, spiritually, and energetically.
One thing I’m noticing now is that I’m energetically detoxing within and without.
Within, there’s a lot of negative emotional energy that’s arising. To be honest, I’m not in the greatest of moods and I’m not all that pleasant to be around right now. I actually avoid socializing and being around people right now. It doesn’t feel like what my energy needs. There’s lots of painbody stuff coming up to be made aware of and flushed out.
Without, I’m getting rid of some people in my life. I’ve been pretty open with who I hang out with in real life, as well as who I hang out with on facebook and twitter. There’s this idea I’ve held that since everything is love and light, everything’s okay. All is well. This is true and yet nevertheless, I am finding toxic and draining people in my environment. People who cling, complain, argue, and otherwise bring down the overall vibe, you’re gone. It’s nothing personal. It doesn’t mean I stop loving you. It’s simply setting boundaries and saying no, this energy is no longer welcome as a manifest energy in my presence. I choose to be a manifestation of love and light, as purely as possible. Everything may be love and light, yes, but in terms of physical reality, some manifestations are more purely and clearly expressions of Source than others. Anything inside of me or outside of me that is not a match to the purity of essence, it’s time to let that go. It is necessary in order for me to continue progressing. I can’t hold onto the lower rungs of the ladder anymore, trying to pull them up as I ascend.
There was some energy of “If I let these suffering people into my life, hopefully I can uplift them and be a positive influence in their lives.” It was somewhat of wanting to be a savior. It’s fine to serve and uplift, certainly, but not at the cost of my own well-being. If I’m drained, I can be of service neither to you nor myself.
With all this is going on, I feel parts of my body heating up, as if the kundalini is pushing its way up my spine, hitting a block in a particular chakra, and setting the chakra on fire. It’s like kundalini burns through this energetic presence, torching any resistance that gets in its way. It’s certainly not the most pleasant experience. It is ultimately a movement towards greater expressions of love and freedom, yes, but the roasting of old energy in the process can make one feel pretty insane, especially when it’s resisted and/or judged. Like what in the world is going on with me? This is so not who I know myself to be.
Surrender Surrender Surrender. Forgive. Allow. Let go. Aim for the Love, do your best, and just let go altogether, honoring your humanity as you stumble along the way. Like any marksman, sometimes we hit the mark better than otherwise. Learn from your mistakes, reload, aim, and fire again, hoping to get closer to the mark this next go around. Such is life.
The whole thing about being a loving person… it doesn’t seem like it’s somewhere we finally arrive and then we’re set for life. Like we do something and finally get a medal with “loving person” written on it. It’s more of a way of life, a continued way of being in the world, the sea in which we swim. It’s not about finally getting there and being done with it, but being there and remaining there as you do whatever it is that you do.
Okay, so I feel like I’m going a little crazy now.
Some of what I’m gonna write about here I’ve written posts about but didn’t feel like publishing them, so I’m gonna make one big mish mash of a post.
Let’s hit the highlights.
My body quite literally feels like this image, and around it is nothing. Pure void.
The past week and a half or so, my third eye has been opening about 8-10 times per day, minimum. I’ve been seeing how to bring heaven down to earth, among other things. Many projects and people have been drawing into my life.
Right now as I write this I feel the back of my third eye opening. This is new.
Various chakras light up throughout the day. Usually the heart. Sometimes the solar plexus. Sometimes sacral, root, crown. A lot of heart and a lot of third eye. Not so much throat.
At times it feels like this body is being breathed with energy, particularly when I go into intense surrender. The energy pulses in and out in waves, releasing repressed sadness as tears.
It’s 9/9/9. I’m watching the movie “The Nines” after Jonas’ recommendation on facebook. Perfect recommendation. Thank you Jonas. My life is a lot like this in many ways.
I literally feel like I’m in a dream world. Everything I see is no more real than my night dreams, visualizations, or day dreams. For real…
One of my first youtube videos was about the collapse of space and recognizing that everything is here. Space is something I haven’t experienced for months now. I got how everything was Here, but I couldn’t quite grasp how everything is Now. I see this now and have lost my experience of time altogether. 5 minutes feels identical to 5 hours. Identical. For the past 4-5 days or so, I’ve discovered that I no longer experience time. It’s very natural actually, as if time is just another layer of illusion on top of Reality. It doesn’t feel like anything important is lacking, any more than how you’d feel something important (the experience of time) is lacking when you’re doing something you love and time flies. In awareness, there is no time. This is something I’d like to go into more depth on later.
Things I think about keep manifesting. It’s getting pretty ridiculous. Not only has synchronicity been cranked way up lately, but manifestations are much more vivid and powerful. Manifestation literally doesn’t take time. As time collapses, manifestation happens much more quickly.
It feels like I’m being given much more power in this dream world. Before I could tell myself that maybe I wasn’t actually creating everything in my reality. Now it’s practically impossible to buy that thought. The buffer or delay between thought energy arising and resultant manifestation is obvious.
People talk about how what you think about you bring about or how the world is your mirror. This is all so obvious. It’s all ONE. Of COURSE this happens! Your energy manifests in the world because there is nothing BUT your energy. Thus there is no other possibility!
It’s literally impossible for anything to go wrong. There are no mistakes. There are no accidents. Everything is divinely guided, beautifully orchestrated. Seeing that nothing can go wrong, guilt and shame drop away, as does the need to apologize. All of those presume that something can go wrong. This is not true. From the perspective of ego, sure. From the perspective of This, not at all. Whether or not what happens happens in the highest good, ahhh, now that’s another question. Everything is intentional, but not necessarily intended in alignment with the highest good.
What is Here is not just a living manifestation of the Divine. What is Here is also God Unmanifest. Some call this Source. Both are Here as One, yet what you see in the domain of the physical, not just “me” but throughout the totality of the Universe is what I AM in living manifestation.
Deeper and deeper, it’s like more surrender, sitting back as awareness and allowing what is to be.
It’s not all comfortable, really. It’s not superbliss or ecstasy or anything. It feels more like a continual purging of toxicity, as if this body and nervous system are being stepped up to a higher level.
There are breaks, pauses. This all happens in waves. In sections. Bit by bit. It’s somewhat cyclical. Sometimes I feel nothing. Something it’s very intense. Even during the intense moments it cycles in intensity.
There’s really nothing to do but sit back as awareness and allow this energy to do what it may, to be, to allow, to witness this change from the vantagepoint of the unchanging.
Ohmmm… 
There are times when energetically you may feel drained, exhausted, empty, and essentially unable to give. I don’t mean being empty in the sense of recognizing there is no self, but empty as in feeling spiritually fatigued.
I know I am going through such a period now. I have really nothing to offer you guys. I have basically nothing to teach or give. I myself am running on empty and there is no overflow from which to offer my gifts. I even feel somewhat cut off from my inner source of wisdom so even if I wanted to say something wise, it feels as though I am unable to access that source of wisdom. And so it is.
Interestingly enough, it seems as though this is a common theme happening among many lightworkers right now. Albert of UrbanMonk.net, for example, recently posted a status update that is along these same lines.
Mary, a friend of mine, recently introduced me to Karen Bishop of Emerging Earth Angels. Karen is an intuitive who, from what I understand according to her website, has the ability to telepathically travel into higher dimensions and see what is happening overall with the ascension process of mankind, this whole mass awakening that is occurring on this planet at this time. Pretty cool, eh?
In any event, in her most recent update on August 22, 2009, she talks about the shifting of lightworkers’ roles on this planet, the energetic shifts we experience associated with these changes, changes in our finances, and so on. I’d definitely recommend reading her article if you’re curious as it helps put our energetic fluctuations within a larger context, giving us some validation that no nothing’s going wrong and no there’s nothing broken that needs to be fixed. These are the natural ebbs and flows of life.
As for me, I’m spending a lot of time just being quiet. Not really hanging out with people. Even the meetings I do schedule *just so happen to* (conveniently enough) wind up falling through. Over and over again. You’ll notice the decreased frequency in posts that are showing up here recently.
We could say that whatever you want for yourself give to another. Since we are all one, by virtue of creating it for someone else, you open yourself up to the flow of that energy within yourself. You are essentially being the source. That’s all well and good, but right now I prefer to simply just be still and relaxed, peaceful and at rest. Feels like, to some degree, a time to return to the source within.
What’s up with you guys? Is anyone experiencing anything similar?
There’s a couple things that I’m finding just aren’t satisfying anymore. In my experience, these don’t bring happiness. Not really…
- Having had glimpses of my true nature in the past
- Thinking I’m somehow special or part of an elite club because of this
- Converting a fresh living truth into a mental belief system of “It is all One. This is it. God is everything and nothing.”
- Clinging to my new beliefs, whether realized directly or heard from another, as if holding on to the feeling of “I got it and now I know” will be satisfying
- Getting angry at others who are doing the same sort of thing (haaaa, projection!)
- Not only knowing the truth, but needing to be right about it
- Trying to get enlightened
- Trying to force myself to stop the impulse towards more more more
- Thinking that happiness will come in the future, not necessarily through the world, but perhaps in some lasting grand spiritual experience
- Needing happiness to have a cause. If there is a cause, there can also be an ending to my happiness.
I’m not really buying into the notion anymore that there is something out there, even something called enlightenment, that’ll make me happy. There’s nothing I can attain or experience that will give me lasting happiness. This seems to be simply a delusion of mind.
This has been experienced several times before, and each time it led to a period of depression. You know, “nothing makes me happy! Oh noes! Now what am I gonna do!?” That whole bit.
But as usual, it seems to be a falling away of more mind, a recognition of the false as false, and an opening for what’s true to arise into conscious awareness.
There is also a desire to seem smart, to know ahead of time what I’m experiencing and where I’m going, to be able to put an experience or transition into a larger context so I don’t feel so lost or threatened. This desire to know is based out of fear. It’s a form of self-protection. It’s the idea of “As long as I know where I’m going and as long as I know where I’m going is safe, then I’ll allow myself to go. But I don’t trust the unknown fully as it is. I don’t trust the mystery. I won’t allow myself to fall 100% into the abyss of nothingness. I won’t allow myself to totally lose myself.” This desire to be smart and to know… it’s just another form of fear.
hm, so yeah, just venting a bit, allowing this energy to arise and be released. A way for the false to be seen as false more directly, rather than just a floating blob of thought energy.
More to surrender…
See that shark floating in the sky? It’s not real. Nothing in this world is real. Not literally.
When you close your eyes and visualize something in your imagination, is what you see real? Depends on how you define real, I suppose. What arises in your imagination is 100% just as real as what arises in physical reality.
Is it any wonder why your body physiologically responds the same, whether you have an experience in real life physical reality or whether you simply close your eyes and visualize?
Everything I look at in physical reality seems to have about the same solidity as wisps of smoke, about the same literal “reality” as uniquely shaped clouds that my mind thinks look like cats or dogs.
If a cloud changes form, who cares? Why panic? If it disappears or reappears, what does it matter?
What we appear to be is a fleeting shadow, a distorted and fragmentary reflection of what we all are when we no longer assume that we are that phenomenal appearance.
-Wei Wu Wei
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Something that seems to be developing over the last week or so is the progressive shutting down of the mind. Not that it’s somehow damaged and broken, but it seems trying to access thoughts and memories feels a lot like trying to crank an engine that just won’t start. There’s the attempted whirring of the engine, but this mind just doesn’t work the old way anymore.
I was at an event today and we were supposed to think of a memory that shaped our lives, and I just couldn’t get this mind to think of anything. (Assuming the “me” is the personality, I guess…)
Anyways, you know all those grudges and resentments that we carry around? Those are all falling away on their own. (Thank God.. heh)
But it’s not just the “bad” stuff that’s falling away. The “good” things are going too, though there’s no attachment to them as if I’ll somehow be less without my old good memories. They’re all just dropping away too.
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The way that social interactions are experienced seem to change significantly when one comes from this place of this one non-thing. Let’s reflect on some of the more prominent changes that occur, some of the fruits of oneness, if you will.
I used to think Enlightenment was one single event, like winning a billion dollars where once you “get there,” you’re set for life. For some people there is a single awakening that totally changes everything, sure, but that spark is part of a much deeper and eternal journey. In my experience, ascension is very much a continuous process filled with countless changes. You never get to the end of infinity. 
There’s SO much more to this process than just recognizing we’re all one, that you are God, that separation doesn’t really exist, and so on. That stuff is bang on, but it’s just the foundation. Enlightenment 101, if you will.
About two months ago I was intuitively guided to the bookstore, walked right up to a particular book, plucked it right off the shelf, sat down and began reading. I bought it that evening. Ever since then the book has been sitting on my nightstand next to my bed and I read it whenever I feel inspired to. It’s literally as if this book was written by a wiser and more experienced version of me, narrating my ascension process, and explaining to me what is going on with respect to all these internal shifts. It’s almost like I wrote this book several years in the future and brought it back in time with me to explain to myself what’s going on. 
It fills in soooo many of the gaps for me about what’s going on here beyond simply resting as awareness.
This book is called Oneness, a dialogue received and transcribed by the author, Rasha.
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