Losing the Desire to Debate and Explain

This awakening process seems to include a lot of different experiences and stages and fluctuations, many of which I don’t expect or even plan. One such thing is that I’m losing the desire to debate things with people or even explain what things are like. Its value seems to be quite limited. There’s more value in being the space for awakeness than in trying to do something to help “make it” happen, as if that was even possible.

I used to think that if I could illustrate things well enough to people, it would encourage them to quit seeking the illustrations by satisfying that search, but that desire can’t be satisfied through explanation.

With respect to words, it seems that they are of most value when they help cut through the mind, to help stop its unconscious patterns in its tracks so that Truth can be seen. I don’t mean that thought needs to stop altogether, but there is conditioning of the mind that most of us are completely oblivious to. It is by cutting through our unconscious conditioning that the veil it creates falls away.

Discussing Reality

When someone sees the Truth, sharing about our mutual experiences is a total blast. We can sit and speak for hours and hours on end, just sharing about our different perspectives of the One and what all has been experienced thus far along the way, and we both seem to grow and expand through this process.

When someone wants to come up and debate or argue about spirituality with me even the slightest, I feel my desire to take part in that discussion completely washing away. It’s like the desire to engage in that energy whatsoever is being flushed out. I can see that in arguing, they’re looking to strengthen their ideas and beliefs about spirituality, not actually see the Truth. It’s a subtle but critical distinction and is the basis for that classic story about “How can your teapcup be filled with something new if it is already full of old ideas?”

When someone asks what awakening is like, in this moment I’d rather simply tell them to listen to the silence than focus upon whatever words I could say. I can’t possibly explain awakening to anyone. Heck, even if I could, it still wouldn’t be sufficient! Silence is far more instructive, despite the appearance of there being “nothing there” in silence. The guru is within and it is always available.

The Wearing Out of Mental Dominance

Now I know this isn’t satisfying to the mind. It’s really not. It’s why we’re told to “be still” or “listen to the silence” or “focus on the I Am” and yet we continue asking, seeking, reading, and wanting to know. We want that which satisfies the mind, not that which will actually take us beyond it. I know… it’s a dilemma that so many of us face. It’s almost like the mind comes with some built-in programming that says “What you want is outside of you.” This is very normal. We want what satisfies the mind at first, at least until we get a lot of mental satisfaction and we discover for ourselves that that alone simply is not satisfying.

It seems that this desire for mental satisfaction has to eventually wear itself out, and life is wonderful in helping us come to this space. I remember Adyashanti once making a crack about telling people to run and run towards the Truth, as if what they’re seeking is right around the next corner.

When the seeker exhausts itself and the energy of seeking collapses, what is already HERE is revealed to be the golden nugget.

The Truth is what you are, not something other than you to be found.

The Truth… I didn’t find it and neither will you.