Individual Nonexistence vs. Universal Nonexistence

My friend Mike Elias sent me an excellent comment regarding yesterday’s post about my current personal experiences regarding fear of nonexistence.

It seems that Hawkins refers to fear of death and fear of nonexistence as very different obstacles. To completely disidentify from the sense of separate identity and dissolve into oneness (LoC 600) is one thing, whereas it sounds like existence vs. nonexistence is a much higher duality, like Void vs. Allness stuff, Jesus and Huang Po level (LoC 850).

Mike is absolutely correct. There is a very distinct difference.

To me, it feels “I” am going through the realization of the nonexistence of “me”, not so much a nonexistence of the whole world, of the void of nothingness. What’s left of “me” is fearing its own nonexistence, its death.

It does feel like the whole world is an illusion, but it is not of primary concern. The world seems like a magic trick, a grand cosmic illusion. It’s like seeing a magician saw a woman in half and knowing that in Reality she hasn’t been split in two, despite the fact that our physical senses would suggest otherwise. The physical experience itself is happening, but it’s not actually real. The world exists, but it’s not real.

Experientially, the dissolution of the separate self feels like a nonexistence of the separate self.

Awakening is lead up to by the realization of your own nonexistence.

It’s a lot like if you spent your whole life thinking 2+2=5 and then suddenly you come to the stunning realization that 2+2 actually equals 4. The idea that 2+2=5 is automatically let go of. It has no reality and no real existence beyond a false thought.

Let’s take a look at the higher levels of consciousness, as described by Dr. Hawkins.

He designates Level of Consciousness 600+ as the first level of enlightenment, labeled Peace in the link above. 700+ is Self-realization. 850+ is Full Enlightenment. (If you don’t know what the numbers mean, don’t worry about it. It’s not that important.)

850 seems to be concerned with the same things as 600, but on a more global and universal scale.

600, the initial stage of enlightenment, is about losing the individual sense of identity as a separate self.

850, a more advanced stage of enlightenment that arises as awakening deepens, is about the infinite reality itself (and thus one’s own existence) being a question of Allness vs. Nothingness, about Existence vs. Nonexistence, not about Separateness vs. Oneness as it is at LoC 600.

Yet in both cases, the desire for one’s existence needs to be surrendered. Rereading the Hawkins quote I put up yesterday, it seems to apply to both situations, despite the fact that it is geared towards the deeper level of awakening, so it is nevertheless helpful to me. What matters is the context of if we’re talking about existence of “me” or existence of “Allness.”

The terms existence and nonexistence are applicable in both cases, but in a sense they point to different things depending upon the context in which they are used.

The initial stages of awakening deal with the nonexistence of an individual self. The later stages of awakening deal with the nonexistence of nonexistence altogether. Ultimately, I (the infinite Self) am. I am that I am.

Thanks for the comment, Mike. I hadn’t really considered this very closely yet and your statement inspired me investigate and subsequently clear up my own understandings that much more deeply.