I’m Losing My Mind

Category Ego, Enlightenment, Surrender

Ethereal by Marc Adamus

I’m losing my mind. The memory’s going too.

It’s a frightening experience, at least the mind perceives it to be. Yet when I look at what’s happening, nothing of value is being lost.

It’s strangely being realized to be a tremendous blessing even though on the surface it may seem like I’m getting Alzheimer’s or something.

The memory I have is getting very difficult to access. It’s not really needed anymore and is falling away. What remains is conscious awareness resting in the present moment. When something from the “past” is necessary, it will be known. If it doesn’t arise, it’s not necessary. It seems memory is being replaced with simple knowingness.

What Are You Talking About?

People often ask me, “How are you?” the way many of us do as a common greeting, but I have no answer to that question anymore. No label adequately describes any experience. Does the word “happy” describe the experience itself? Of course not. No label ever does and so it’s not a valid answer. I just am. That’s all I can say.

People ask me how my day was, and I literally have no idea. Trying to access the memory is like accessing a blank void. If I look at my calendar, I may remember bits and pieces of what I did, but the past doesn’t seem very relevant anymore.

Who cares? I mean that literally. Who? There is no real self. It’s just thought entertaining thought.

No sense of self can be found. Ariel, nothingness, everythingness, silence, God, spiritual being, creator of your reality… whatever. These are all labels. They’re nonsense. They’re just thoughts. They’re not the Truth of my being. No label or description, no matter how wondrous, can be the Truth of my being.

WTF, mate?

I have no idea what I am, mentally anyways. I can’t describe what I am or explain it. It’s literally impossible. I can only BE what I am.

I don’t know who I am. I just am what I am, whatever that is.

There is conscious awareness resting in the moment. Pure beingness. No flashy “spiritual experiences” to cling to and create a sense of self around.

The mind goes quiet in this process as all answers to its incessant yet fruitless questions are rendered null and void, even though the mind is still frantically searching for something to grasp onto. The mind can’t wrap itself around what I Am. No answer will ever be it.

Only Silence and Presence remains as the eternal infinite nothingness of All. Existence itself. Impersonal existence.

Who Am I? I have no idea. There is no answer to that question.

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12 Responses to “I’m Losing My Mind”

Akemi - Yes to Me said:

I think I know what happened to you, Ariel. You had a soul shift. I wrote about it recently, and will be writing more to supplement that post.
In short (really short), you received a brand new soul. Your thinking mind still remembers who you have been, but it’s hardly relevant, so your soul is not calling it much. You just are.

Isn’t this wonderful?

Akemi – Yes to Mes last blog post..Soul Shifting And the Light Ascension Of Maybe 2012

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 2nd, 2009 at 6:31 am
Hey Akemi, anything is certainly possible, but I don’t think that’s the case. Getting a new soul all together sounds a little too sensational for what I understand is a relatively common process as the ego unravels.

Shaun Reply:
February 4th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
I’d liken it more to “putting on the mind of Christ”. Of course, it’s simply the clouds of ego shifting away, but the analogy of putting on a different mind is used by Jesus. It seems to operate completely differently in the world than what we’re used to.

Ariel Bravy Reply:
February 4th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Yes, I agree. That seems to be what’s happening in a larger context, but in this particular stage of the process, it feels more to be a blanking out than the revelation of the mind of Christ quite yet. It’s leading up to it as a preparatory stage, we could say.
Sumiran said:

Congratulation.
Isnot it the experience of ‘samadhi’(experience of total subjective awareness) or ‘satori’ as Zen mention?
Whatever name it.
Celebrate!

Sumirans last blog post..Free will: the power to choose
MiniLifeHacks said:

Ariel,
I think I’m familiar with what you’re talking about. I’ve questioned the stability of my memory, and wondered why any of this is important. Eckhart Tolle speaks to this in his book, A New Earth: Life’s Awakening. (Highly recommended) I don’t have his eloquent verbiage off-hand, but it is to the effect that every moment is another “now” therefore, all of life is essentially one “now”. In order to have an appreciation for each “now” you must have an appreciation for the duration of your life as it is all part of the one “now”.
Also, your experience of the current “now” can be attributed in part to past experiences and causality.

MiniLifeHackss last blog post..Avoid Over-Eating: 8 Questions to Ask Yourself When Cravings Hit
Ismaelia said:

I have moments like that where I find myself trying to remember something that before would have been no problem then I realize that it is just ego at it again and I release the need to remember. I agree that it doesn’t seem to matter. What ever we need comes up naturally when we truly need it. Lots of times it is just thinking that we need to know it. That is my experience anyway.
Julie said:

The Gnarls Barkley song Crazy seems appropriate:

I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space

And when you’re out there without care
I was out of touch
But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?

Gotta love it!
buddhaofhollywood said:

Who is asking?
It’s like saying “I can’t catch my shadow no matter how fast I run”

buddhaofhollywoods last blog post..The Devil’s Advocate
Ariel Bravy said:

haha, just thought of this video, and an alternate ending to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CqgnZhb–Q

In an egotistical tone, “Do you know who I am?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“Well neither do I.”
preeti said:

I feel this happens when our mind is silent. Celebrate this moment of bliss.
Sisi said:

Anything is possible.
Love the world and the nature. nature is powerful