Watch this video in HD. (Recommended)

Unfathomable Silence

You may have noticed that there haven’t been any posts here recently. A few days ago I returned from a 30-day solo camping trip into the forest. (That’s where the photos and videos shot in the video above came from.) After the initial 6-day trip where a lot of internal things arose but didn’t fully complete, it was time to dive in and see what would happen when I go full out…

You know the stories about Jesus going into the desert for 40 days or Buddha meditating under the Bodhi tree for I think 7 week or so? As the stories go, Jesus was met by the devil who tried to lead him into temptation and the Buddha met Mara who similarly threw all these demons (ego stuff) at him but the Buddha wouldn’t follow any of that and continued to sit in silence. Both of these experiences are central to their awakenings. As the saying goes, be still and know.

Having heard these stories, I certainly had high expectations for my 30-day outing into the forest. “Let’s go face my inner demons and get totally enlightened too! Yeah!!”

The Trip

What actually happened, looking back in retrospect? Well while I literally have no desire to get into the details of the experiences, the shifts, the experiences, the realizations, the transformations, and yada yada yada the way I used to, what I do have some interest in saying is that it was perhaps one of the most internally catastrophic periods in my life I’ve ever experienced. One of the many things that was unexpectedly destroyed, much to my surprise actually, was my interest in continually talking about, thinking about, teaching about, or in any way making spirituality a central aspect of my life. The realizations, the search, the even apparent progress… who cares?!?

It’s like, when you learn how to walk, just walk! There’s no need to keep talking about how you put one foot in front of the other. You just walk… When you stop spending so much time talking about walking and you may just discover that you can walk and chew gum at the same time. So much energy freed up for other things in life! For life to be as it IS, as it naturally wants to arise, without us trying to turn it into what we think it should be.

To be perfectly honest, I just don’t care about yakking about all this stuff anymore. If I never hear another word about enlightenment, awakening, non-duality, oneness, the law of attraction, metaphysics, or any of this stuff, it would literally make no difference. At the same time, having been back in mankind’s civilized world for a few days now, I’ve noticed that whenever the topics do arise in conversation, it’s just a natural part of the flow, and when it’s done, it’s done.

There’s nothing to say, nothing to do. You just BE who you are, naturally, and that’s the whole point. Be yourself… and let’s get on with living life!

Living the Outdoor Life

At this point my intuition, excitement, and passion are all guiding me more and more towards spending more time being outdoors and leading a simple life. Just LIVE it. It’s as simple as that. Just BE.

As such, this may be my last post on this blog. This may be the start of a new approach to this blog. To be perfectly honest, I literally have no idea if I’ll ever have another urge to write anything here again, and either way is just as fine.

Because of this, I’m posting this post to bring a sense of closure to what once was, to this site’s former existence.

The forums I’m going to keep open because intuitively it feels right for whatever reason, but I don’t know what will become of this blog from here on out.

My travel photoblog I will remain active on and you can catch me there. From Georgia to Colorado to California, I am going to be headed up to Alaska next. Woohoo!!

(and before you ask, yes I’ve seen the movie Into the Wild (great movie by the way), and yes the irony of me also being an outdoorsy guy traveling solo from Georgia to Alaska on a sort of epic adventure hasn’t escaped me either.. but no, I’m not copying him. haha.)

In any event, I want to thank you all for being here and experiencing this journey with me as you have. It’s been a fun ride and I’m so grateful that you are all here living your version of it as well.

Peace!

-Ariel

I recently set off to go spend time alone in silence in the mountains and wound up spending nearly a week camping along a river, basically meditating, eating, and sleeping.

Camping Along the Sespe River

Now you’d think it’d be simple enough to sit down and spend time in silence where everything is great and nothing is wrong, but it turns out that wasn’t the case! Wanna watch the mind go crazy? Give it nothing to do!

It’s funny… we have this thing called a nervous system, and they call it a nervous system for a reason! It’s amazing how, when we take an extended period of time to be quiet and still, we get to see the mind’s activities quite clearly instead of just glossing over them and focusing upon the externals of life.

You see, the first few days I found it incredibly tough to just sit down and relax. I kept getting (and usually following) the impulses that would continually arise. Think about this! Do this! Don’t do that! Go for a swim! Take a hike! Work on your tan! Go check out that area! Basically spin around and expend this energy through any means possible, emotional, mental, or physical.

One thing in particular that would keep happening was that the mind would think back to a problem in my life and I’d start feeling the emotional response about that. Feeling the emotional stirring, I’d go into my problem-solving toolbox and start working on the issue. Inquire, release, do tapping, allow it to be as it is, love it, surrender, focus on something else, tell a better feeling story… you name it! I’ll bet your problem-solving toolbox is pretty vast as well after a whole lifetime of developing tools.

and yet after a while I began noticing a certain pattern: I’m right here where everything is just fine, all of the sudden the mind thinks up a problem (that only exists within the mind, mind you), and then the mind gets on the task of solving the problem it just thought up.

It’s so easy to dive right into the process of problem solving, which is almost like the mind’s job, and yet if you pause and take a look, you’ll notice that there’s actually no real problem to fix. NONE!

It’s just the mind looking at the world, literally making up a problem by calling such-and-such a problem, and then trying to solve this made-up problem, thereby giving itself the job of protecting you. It is both the creator of and solver of problems that don’t actually exist outside of thought!

The problem-solver within us mind literally NEEDS problem to continue its own existence! It is addicted to suffering!

As my friend Eric put it so perfectly, the mind is both the arsonist and the firefighter! That says it all. It’s two sides of the same coin.

Addiction to Problems and Problem Solving

After looking at this, it’s discovered that the mind keeps going into problem creating/solving mode on its own. It’s like a deep habit. Looking a little more closely, I saw that there was actually quite literally an addiction to problems and their solutions!

In fact, when you look at our society in general, you’ll see it’s structured similarly to our minds. (No surprise there.) For example, the way we make money is through solving problems for others, is it not?

Are they hungry? Cook ‘em a meal. Are they unsuccessful in business? Teach ‘em marketing and business skills. Do they need to get around town? Start up a taxi service.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with solving problems for others, and I’m not suggesting that we stop solving problems. What I am suggesting is that we pause to take a closer look into the nature of the so-called problems that we’re so caught up trying to solve in the first place.

It’s almost like the mind’s mantra is, “There’s something wrong. There’s something wrong. There’s something wrong. How do I fix it? How do I fix it? How do I fix it?”

*Now here’s the key point: when our overall experience of reality is based upon the idea that there’s something fundamentally wrong with life, there’s a general uneasiness, anxiety, and disharmony within us that no amount of problem-solving can solve. Why not? Because the very living in a world of problems and solutions is itself the problem!

This internal fundamental deep deep disharmony within us is due to our belief in the idea that there can exist such a thing as a problem in the first place, and the emotional response we have is due to our belief in something being problematic.

Everything we try, and only everything, whether it’s based in actively fixing a problem like inquiry or healing, or letting go of the problem through surrender and releasing, all of these activities are still based upon the fundamental notion that there’s a problem to be solved. Why else try to inquire, heal, let go, or surrender?

It was only when everything I tried or didn’t try, and I mean EVERYTHING failed, that I sat back and took note.

Vulnerably and honestly I began admitting to myself for the first time in my life,

I am addicted to problems.

I am addicted to suffering.

I am addicted to trying to solve problems.

I am addicted to using my mind and using tools to do stuff.

I am addicted to this whole spiritual game.

And there’s nothing I can do. I am completely and utterly addicted.

Everything I do fails. Everything. No matter how spiritual, wise, or sneaky it may seem. Everything fails. Everything I do is based upon my trying to fix these problems in the first place.

In this seeing, in this clear seeing that I am addicted to this game and nothing I can do works, stopping happened. Somehow. On its own, surrendering happened. In the light of awareness, the game ceased on its own.

Maybe it’s reverse psychology or something, whatever. It worked.

Stepping out of Problem/Solution Thinking

Now as you begin seeing through this tendency of the mind, this literal addiction to problem creating/solution finding, you begin seeing that wait a minute, when I quit buying into these stories of the mind, there’s nothing actually wrong with reality at all! Oil spills, starving children and all. There’s actually nothing wrong with that. Nothing!

Blasphemous! I know… I’m not asking you to believe me that everything is okay, or even suggesting that the world’s tragedies are a good thing. By saying that it’s not bad, that doesn’t mean that the opposite is true. Is it possible that good and bad are just viewpoints of the mind and nothing more?

What I am suggesting that you take a look into the nature of the origin of problems themselves. From where do they arise? Do they have any underlying reality outside the mind’s world of imagination and make-believe?

Again, it’s literally only the belief that there’s something wrong with this that creates the experience of what we call problems and all the mental/emotional/physical dis-ease that comes along with it. Again, it can be discovered directly that there’s *nothing* wrong with the world.

Saying “Oh yes, that makes sense. I understand. Of course it’s all mind.” That doesn’t help either. That’s still just mind.

Anyways, if you take the time to deeply look into the nature of problems, and you begin stepping out of problem/solution thinking, if your experience is anything like mine, you’ll likely begin going through withdrawl. You’re putting the protector of a mind out of a job and it has an addiction to being your protector! It won’t go down without a fight! Like a drug addict, it may feel like you’re going utterly insane without giving yourself another hit of “Here’s a problem. Focus on the problem and juice the problem. Then when you’re tired of that draining activity, start working on the solution and heal that. Once you fix that issue, enjoy the temporary relief and momentary satisfaction of being successful at solving a problem.. until the next problem arises that is. Rinse and repeat.”

Living this way is like a constant battle with life, is it not?

When you allow yourself to go through the process inquiring into the nature of thought, of mind, of problems, of stories, of just not believing or following the thoughts of problems in the first place and break that habitual programming, it can then be discovered directly that my god… the fundamental nature of existence itself is well-being!

All is well! All is well! Even when the world is a mess and all isn’t well, all is well!

What we’re talking about here is a very deep fundamental shift in the very perception and experience of life itself.

(Like the breaking of other habits, it’s not an instantaneous shift in my experience, but a gradual process as we change life-long habits and break away from how society functions.)

Celebrating Wellness

From this new place, a completely new outlook on life is possible:

Everything right now is okay and all of life is an expression of well-being. In fact, I AM the embodiment of well-being itself and my every action is a celebration of the well-being that is already present! Well-being abounds!

As the world spins around and goes through its rollercoaster of highs and lows, all is well. No matter what happens, all is well.

The world is well-being, manifesting as all phenomena, sights and sounds.

It’s not that you’ve solve all your problems and that everything in life will be rosy. This is not an external change, but an internal change. Just because you get enlightened doesn’t mean that you’ll never get sick (Ramana died of cancer), everyone will love you, and you won’t be nailed to a cross. Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. To think that enlightenment will solve all your worldly problems is a misconception. That’s not the point. One of the things that clarity into the nature of reality seems to bring you is freedom from thinking that there’s something wrong with life that needs to be fixed in the first place. You exit that (mental) world without the world needing to change.

From this space, you still interact with the world and respond to its happenings, sure, but rather than starting from the assumption that there is something wrong with reality and thereby seeing it as flawed, you come from the awareness that everything is okay and respond accordingly, loving what is. Imagine what a difference that would make…

Instead of trying to “improve the world” and take it from broken to fixed, as noble and helpful as that is, you now see the innate well-being and literally become the very well-being you wish to see in the world, Gandhi-style. Instead of trying to get to heaven or bring heaven down to earth, you realize that heaven is already here! Living from this space of well-being, you automatically begin eliciting a very different response from the world now that you see it differently. As the saying goes, as within, so without.

From this space, this mental/emotional/physical/spiritual apparatus that is arising here begins living very differently.

As the nervous system releases its deep-seated inner anxieties of problems, there is more peace, freedom, well-being, and love that is experienced and expressed. Still new territory to me that I’m exploring here, but It’s like you feel yourself open up to allowing things to be as they are, to loving whatever arises, and to be with any and every expression of life, life and death.

Look within. Look within. Look within.

Announcing! A New Travel Blog!!

http://www.ArielBravy.com/travel

Canyon Overlook at Zion NP, UT

If you let go of all of the things you do out of a sense of obligation and necessity, if you could experience yourself being totally and completely supported as you do the things your heart is calling you to do, what would you imagine that would look like? How would that feel?

For the past 4 months or so, I’ve been stepping into this state of being as best as I can, and my heart has been guiding me to travel and really embrace and love all that arises in life.

As such I’ve started created a new blog dedicated to travel and experiencing what life can be like when follow your passion as best you can, listen to your heart, and allow yourself to be guided by your intuition. The site is now up at ArielBravy.com/travel and it’s replacing my 5 year running photoblog. (You’ll find years worth of pictures on the photoblog and only the more recent stuff thus far on the travel blog.) To give you a preview of what’s there, here’s a few pictures.

Nothing that you’ll see here was planned from the get-go. When the fire was lit to go LIVE, these are but a few of the spontaneous manifestations that naturally arose and practically fell into my lap. Life can be really amazing when we quit trying to force it and allow it to show up on its own terms, as we fully align with the universe’s natural subtle currents and flows!

Tent Camping along the Coast of Malibu, CA

STS-131 Space Shuttle Discovery Lifting Off from Cape Canaveral, FL

Orange groves outside of J. Krishnamurti's home in Ojai, CA

Admiring Inspiration Point at Bryce Canyon, UT

Learning to Self-Arrest with Ice Axe on St. Marys Glacier, CO

I’ve been flying solo for the most part the past few months, but traveling with others looks like a lot of fun as well!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=npawmHVaf-E

Really, there’s SO MANY ways of experiencing life!

One thing you I’ve come to discover on journeys like this is that, ironically, it doesn’t matter WHERE you are. (Even though the places are awesome!) What really matters is HOW you’re living your life, and HOW you live is something that you can choose to embody ANYWHERE. ie. It’s not about finding happiness in life through traveling, but allowing the happiness to show up in life though your travels, expressed as your life.

Spending Time in Silence

At this time, my guidance is directing me to take a break from life’s epic outer adventures and to go spend some time in silence, and so I’m taking a break from the whole online thing.

In the meantime, have you considered how much more happiness, passion, joy, and love you have the capacity to bring forth into your own life? What gifts do you have within yourself to bring forth? How much more of your own light do you have to share and experience?

http://www.ArielBravy.com/travel

The other day my friend and I were cracking up at fact that various words can be both good or bad, valid or invalid, true or untrue depending on how they’re used…

“I’m nothing! I’m nobody!” To an ego, this sucks. You may hear someone say this when they’re beating up on themselves. At the same time, you may hear someone who’s discovered the no-thingness within and found there is no “someone” who has a body, mind, personality, etc. Rather than it being an expression of restriction and low self-esteem, it’s an expression of pure freedom from form!

“I can’t do it!” In the personal power and self-development community, this is seen to be negative. It’s all about embracing what’s possible and believing in yourself because, afterall, you can do anything you set your mind to. On the flipside, you’ve got the aspect of surrender and the recognition that there’s some things you can’t accomplish. If anything, you give up trying and fall into the recognition of what can’t be accomplished because it’s already here. A quick example would be like after a magician saws a woman in half, how do you put her back together? The answer is you can’t. Why? Because she was never separate in the first place! There was only the appearance of the woman being sawed in half that the talented magician created, but even if you bring in the world’s greatest surgeons and doctors, they can’t do anything to put the woman back together again. It’s not that they’re incapable or not good enough. It’s simply that the separation never happened in the first place and in the discovery of the truth of this statement, both the so-called problem of the woman being cut and half and the apparently necessary solution of putting her back together again are no longer needed! You can’t put her back together again what was never actually separate, although you can certainly create the appearance of that and thus experience it as if it were real!

“I don’t know anything!” To the mind which may often be working with the idea that there’s certain things you definitely DO know, like your name, gender, that the earth is round, that fire can burn you, that an egg and a sperm coming together can lead to babies, and so on.. and yet deeper than that there’s an emptiness that’s discovered whereby you find out that you actually don’t know anything for sure! Not really! It’s all made up, a world of appearances, and just a story that’s being told. How do you know for sure that everything you’ve been taught isn’t just a made-up fiction? You don’t know anything for sure, and then at the same time, it is discovered that by letting go of knowing anything in the mind, you actually know much more than you think you know by accessing some deeper inner wisdom. You know everything you need to know when you need to know it, even though you don’t know anything. Somehow this seems to be true for all of us. It’s just a question of whether or not we have discovered it yet.

“It’s all an illusion!” At first we may think that our physical world is really real. Then we may get into physics, metaphysics, or spirituality and learn that the world is all just a bunch of atoms and molecules made up of energy and the appearance of the world is literally created by our thoughts. It’s just a movie being witnessed in awareness. And then the whole discussion of reality vs. illusion, relative vs. the absolute.. that whole game starts running and we buy into one notion or the other, until even the difference between reality and illusion or relative and absolute starts to disintegrate… It leaves you nowhere to stand. Reality vs. illusion, THAT starts to fall apart. What’s the difference between a dream and reality? It’s not that you’re confusing the two and thinking that your mental dream IS reality. It’s simply that there’s seen to be no separation. Look at your hand made up of many molecules. One hand, zillions of parts. Which is the illusion? The one or the many? Both? Neither? Sure we can say “this is of the mind” and “that is beyond the mind,” and yet even that starts to blank out on its own.

“We are all one. We’re all connected!” From a place of oneness, the idea of being connected itself doesn’t even make any sense. How can there be connection if there is ONLY ONE? There are SO many ways of seeing how the one can manifest itself, so many valid experiences… Separation, multiple parts that effect each other via cause and effect, multiple parts that are connected via infinite threads, infinite expressions all arising in one locationless location, just ONE without another, nothing to be anything and a total zeroing out of all of life…

Giving the Mind Nowhere to Rest

What seems to start happening is that while we used to be searching for this to be truth vs. that, we paradoxically discover that everything is a manifestation of truth and nothing is truth. No longer can we say any experience is invalid. All of it is valid. All meaning is valid and yet life is totally meaningless. Every experience is embraced by the one and none of it is rejected even though rejection happens. Who am I? Not this, not that, and yet both this and that. and beyond this and that entirely and yet imminently right here.

We start falling into a space where nothing is valid, nothing is invalid, everything is valid, and everything is invalid.

Every answer is right. No answer is right.

From here, where are we gonna go? What are we gonna do? Where can the mind rest when everything it thinks is seen to be both valid and invalid simultaneously and no matter what it thinks, it can no longer satisfy itself by boxing a collection of ideas up and calling it “my truth,” “my beliefs,” “my religion,” “my philosophy,” and so on? Even “all ideas and no ideas” is an idea itself that is seen to be part of that same predicament, like a snake eating its own tail.

If anything, there’s just a complete validation/invalidation of the mind to where everything/nothing is it. Every thought and no thought is IT. Both sides of the paradoxical puzzle are seen while the puzzle has no sides.

The Self is beyond knowledge and ignorance.

-Ramana Maharshi

No conclusion and no thought can bring you to Self-realization. Who you are is not found in that world, and yet you are present there too…

Just Being Present, Without Needing to Access the Mind

Truth is a pathless land. Man cannot come to it through any organisation, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophical knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection.

-J. Krishnamurti

Though observation and NOT through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection. Observation keeps you right here. Analysis and dissection keep you spinning around in search for an answer. At best the analysis implodes upon itself, leaving you nowhere with nothing to grasp at. Just a simple being here. Just being. The search, if it has been truly effective, has shown you that the search can never lead you where you want and so you give up the search and rest here. In this resting the discovery can be made of what’s truly HERE.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

-T.S. Elliot

So recently I shared this on facebook:

All understandings are conceptual. Even a living realization can be grasped by the mind and turned into another concept to be understood and shared. What if we stopped going into the domain of mental concepts altogether and simply rested in what is here without moving, without also going to the mind to label, describe, remember, or understand… Just experiencing whatever happens as it arises, purely and untouched.

and friend of mine brought up an excellent concern:

Can you imagine if after we process thought into concept and fail to SHARE it? So many others wouldn’t be touched, stimulated and motivated to realize more. I so enjoy following your travels and posts. It’s like a good shot in the arm, for you are always willing to SHARE freely. Thanks for that! ♥

Yeah, that hits right on the money on some of my concerns as well. What’s being questioned here, on a deeper level beyond whether we say something or not, is whether or not we have to take what is discovered through the heart and immediately bring it up into the mind to be stored, leaving the heart and quickly going into the head.

Let’s give a little background here and set the context by sharing a pattern here I’ve noticed…

The Need to Have and Share Realizations

Whenever there’s some sort of realization or ‘aha’ moment here, I’ve noticed an immediate impulse to somehow put it into words and go out and share that. Post about it on facebook or twitter. Write a blog post about it. Make a video about it… all with a deeper fundamental idea that something *bad* will happen if you don’t share what you have come to know! Afterall, we’re here to serve one another and give of our gifts, are we not? Yet is it possible that in our rush to give, we do so before allowing ourselves to receive the fullness of that which we have to offer?

At the same time, I’ve noticed an attachment around both realizations and the sharing of realizations. You see, having realizations can show you that you are growing and moving forward. The sharing of them can make you feel special and wise. You even get rewarded by compliments and thank yous, and those treats can continue to feed the impulse to give more and more. Heck, the realizations are even being used to help financially fund my life! In a sense, they’re like “my product.” I share my realizations here with you online which helps me continue traveling, living, exploring. It is thanks to your donations, affiliate purchases of products I recommend, clicking on the ads I have on this site, and so on that I’m able to put gas in my car, pay my credit card bills, and get food in my belly! (Sure this also comes in other ways, but this is one of my main sources of money.) And so if my realizations and insights feel like they lie at the heart of my physical survival (whether or not that is true), then well, let’s just say that it makes them feel important, almost life or death!

and so we can make realizations out to seem critically important… yet what are realizations, exactly?

Realizations and Expanded Awareness

The other day I finally had the wonderful opportunity to meet with Matt Kahn and Julie Dittmar who are both absolutely amazing people!! It was an incredible gift to spend time with the both of them. After Matt’s satsang and Julie’s meditations here in California, we had a chance to talk about realizations and their importance.

Let’s take a look at how realizations themselves work, and much of this Matt pointed out and helped me discover so mad props to him.

When awareness expands a bit to encompass more of what is, within this new area of expanded awareness lies something that wasn’t seen before. What awareness sees is then experienced and discovered/realized. Then what may or may not happen is that the mind jumps in and translates into words and concepts that which is seen, and this collection of ideas we often call “the realization” when actually these are nothing more than pointers. If we’re directly experiencing that to which the pointer points, what is the need of a pointer? Just experience the experience!

See, what’s really key here is not the mind’s translations of the seeing of awareness but actually the awareness itself. It suddenly struck me that realizations themselves aren’t important and Matt nodded. No, they’re really not, he responded. Eventually there’s realization that realizations don’t even matter all that much. This one really hit deep…

Out of the Heart and Into the Head

Another thing I’ve repeatedly noticed is that when the clarity of expanded awareness quickly moves into mind to be verbalized, the experience of the expansion itself is often diminished. In my attempt to immediately give what I have before it settles in and stabilizes, I myself actually lose it. Wait a minute… The intent was never for me to have less in the name of you having more, but that’s what continues to happen. I sacrifice my own experience in the name of hopefully helping you have yours. Something is definitely off here, you know?

It’s like.. imagine for a moment if you were to sit down and eat your favorite meal, something monumentally delicious. Now instead of sitting down and deeply savoring the experience by staying in the world of direct sensory experience, you instead go into your mind and start describing the taste, the feeling, the texture. You then move from having the experience of tasting to the experience of describing what it’s like to have the experience of tasting. The two are WORLDS apart. When you start experiencing your thoughts, you’re no longer feeling life as it is. You’re experiencing your thoughts about the world. You’re not feeling. You’re thinking.

In a sense, it’s almost like a sort of premature evacuation. Out of the vulnerable heart and back into the safety of the head. When all the energy starts arising (whether the experience is one of physical sensation, experiential clarity of seeing, sexual energy rising, or whatever else…) it’s like there is an exiting of the world of feeling and a retreat into the world of mind, as if the mind needs to do something about the experience. Instead of holding the space for that energy to be present, you go into thinking about it. Rather than doing this, there is another possibility: Let go of the need to go from feeling to thinking and expand in your capacity to fully embrace life and experience the fullness of all it has to offer. Just FEEL it, without naming it or describing it, without holding on it, trying to maintain it, or share it with others. Just FEEL it. Quit flitting about so much. Be still.

What is here to be enjoyed is silence. Silence without escape into thought. There are many realizations and aha’s in silence, and yet these are all blossomings and flowerings of silence itself. Silence verbalized is never the purity silence itself, but only a pointer. Silence is the point. Silence is the heart. Silence is the home. All the words are simply decorating the silence, as Matt likes to put it.

To Share or Not To Share?

and so, is there any value to sharing what is realized? Sure. Look how many teachers across the ages have shared what they have discovered. It all has a purpose and reason. And yet if the sharing is coming from a place of attachment or ego fulfillment, that needs to be addressed.

What is it like, for once in your life, (and I’m talking to myself here…) to not try and give away and share everything you have discovered? To let people discover things without your help, as if you guys wouldn’t be okay without my help. What is it like to experience things and not tell people? What is it like to sit and feel like something horrible will happen or the world will miss out on these discoveries if I don’t share them, to allow this fear to arise and not move to take action upon it.

On one hand yes, we are here to help, contribute, and serve. God works through us, sure. And yet on the paradoxical flip side of this, there is also God saying, “Relax. Take it easy. I don’t need your help. I got this.”

Alright, so one question that I’ve been letting bubble around recently is “What does it take to just be HAPPY?” I mean really. No B.S. here. A simple question. Pretty basic and universal. What does it take?

It is often said that what we are seeking is always here, yet that’s often not the experience that we have, is it? In fact, we often experience that we don’t have what we want. Why the discrepancy?

Well, it seems that one of the big keys to experiencing happiness is resistance. The more we are resisting something, the more tension, negative emotion, knots in our stomach, dis ease, and all those unpleasant things we experience.

In the Sedona Method, they talk about resistance taking two primary forms: attachment and aversion.

Aversion

Aversion we are all pretty familiar with. This comes in the form of hate, judgment, complaining, saying no to, trying to push against or destroy something, etc. It’s basically a sense of war to various degrees. It’s a lot of that “bad stuff” in the world. On a small scale, it may show up as an internal felt sense of opposition or conflict. Someone says something and we notice ourselves subtly going into opposition against them. There they are, and here I am, pushing against them. This is how the experience of an enemy is born. This internal opposition then can grow and manifest into emotional opposition, physical opposition, and when taken to the extremes such as murder and war. Even suicide counts here, which involves an aversion to life and to yourself.

Aversion and this war-like conflictive pushing-against energy is usually pretty obvious when it shows up. It can be very violent and so it is pretty easily recognized, particularly in its more intense forms.

Attachment

Attachment, on the other hand, seems to be far more subtle. Attachment, the way I want to use the word here, is a sense of grasping or trying to get and hold in order to fill a presumed sense of lack. To illustrate attachment, try this quick exercise. With one of your hands, repeatedly reach out in front of you and grasp the air with your fingers, trying to pull it back towards your body. This is what that grasping energy is like. It is that grabbing and holding on energy that we are talking about here. Examples of attachment this context would include trying to gain approval, trying to control, neediness, clinginess, trying to get something to be other than it is, resisting change, trying to elicit a particular response from someone such as them liking you, and on a very basic level, somehow trying to “extract” happiness from something or someone else.

It is this clingy grasping process that I’d like to explore here, how it works and what life is like as we let go of that sucking energy. I’m finding this change to be fantastically transformational thus far…

A Closer Look at Seeking Happiness

Lately I’ve been exploring the idea of happiness and whether or not it really comes from living the dream life, whatever that means to you. To me it involved traveling. (CaterpillarWoman from the forums actually brought up an eye-opening perspective. She explained that she was a military brat and had traveled a lot growing up, so to her traveling doesn’t hold a lot of glamor. This was a big ‘aha’ for me. Sure lots of people want to travel, but it’s not a universal desire.) So again, we’re talking about what “the dream life” means to you.

Looking into my own experience of trying to derive a sense of happiness and freedom from living a mobile traveler’s lifestyle, I’ve found that it felt like I would (without consciously realizing it) subtly demand (perhaps too harsh a word as it feels far more subtle than this), but I would try and obtain a sense of happiness from the experiences I was having. Follow your bliss, they say, but we may mistakenly get caught in thinking that the blissful thing we’re chasing actually contains that bliss! Go get it! Go! Go! This is not the point of following your bliss. When looking at this more closely, it was like constantly trying to get something from the someone/something, be it approval, love, control, money, positive experiences, or whatever else.

Honestly it almost feels like inserting energetic tendrils into other people or things and quite literally trying to extract the happiness that I seek from them.

The pattern was “do something and get happiness from it.”

Withdrawing Your Tendrils

Recognizing this happiness seeking/sucking/leeching pattern consciously, there was then the ability to stop that grasping and withdraw my tendrils.

This is something I’ve been exploring the past few days. For me, this subtler sense of grasping attachment happens more often than the aversion. Both still happen, sure, but the grasping energy feels a little more ninja-like and less obvious to spot. Whenever I experience tension, fear, or basically anything other than happiness or peace, I now look to see if I’m energetically reaching into the world and trying to get something from it. My experience with this has been quite profound and I’d like to share a few examples with you guys.

Experiences with Relationships

Can anyone relate to this?

How many millions of missed opportunities and how much unnecessary suffering has there been due to experiences like this?

With women, particularly the ones I’m attracted to, often I’d look at them and notice a sense of discomfort. Exploring this this more closely and seeing what it is that I wanted from them, I noticed the thought pattern “I want your approval. I want you to like me and think I’m attractive. I want your love. I want this to go well.” Already, before a single word has been spoken, I’m already reaching into her and trying to get something from her, trying to extract approval, love, and even impose a certain response upon her. “I need you to react this way. I want you to like me.”

Seeing this and withdrawing that tendency to get something from her, I noticed a sort of falling back. It’s not a falling back into fear like you’re running away. Rather, you simply observe and notice without manipulation. Surprisingly, happiness and appreciation naturally arise on their own. A sense of warmth and love would be present as well. Rather than focusing on getting something from them, it felt more like I was just glowing in happiness and love within that I wasn’t conjuring up deliberately or talking myself into. It was just naturally present every time I’d withdraw the tendency to try and get happiness and love. Really cool…

Reaction-wise I’ve noticed far more smiles from women, I’m far more comfortable with them, and I’m much more lighthearted and relaxed. The sense of anxiety drops and I’m free to be much more intimate. It’s like without trying to pull them in, you automatically feel closer. Go figure… It’s a much more enjoyable experience for me, and it takes away a lot of the stress of trying to accomplish something. Anything.

No fear of rejection. No desire to try and be loved. No worrying about how things will unfold. That stuff just doesn’t even seem to come up when I stop trying to get something from the situation. Very surprising! What freedom!!

Amazingly, there is the experience of already having everything I’d want from her: Love, approval, appreciation, joy, and so on. I find I actually really enjoy being with people whereas it used to be a source of stress and anxiety. HUGE improvement!

Not Trying to Get Happiness from Travelling

With travel, I’ve noticed sometimes I’d travel around and yet still feel miserable. Okay, wtf, something’s definitely off here… Seeing this, I’d look more closely and found that I was subconsciously expecting some sort of magical *something* to come in and fill me up with happiness. The thought pattern was along the lines of “Here I am, now let’s go out and find all the things I can do or see that will make me happy.” Make me happy. I was reaching into the world and trying to find the experiences that would be my source of happiness. This sensation of grasping, when you pause and pay attention to what’s happening just below the surface, it’s clearly present and very real.

Seeing this, I would then withdraw the sense of grasping for happiness. Just stop trying to grab anything at all. Grasping seems to lead to suffering, not happiness. With this withdrawl, there would be a natural stopping of waiting for something special to happen in order to be my magic pill. There was a stopping of needing to get anything from the experience at all.

To some degree, it’s a death of an entire way of life. It feels like something very important is dying. In fact, if you’re identified with this grasping, it feels like you are dying, with no hope for the future. Pretty scary…

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

What I’ve noticed happen every single time thus far when I withdrew the grasping is that a natural sense of appreciation and happiness would again come up from nowhere. Oh here it is! There would actually be an immense sense of happiness that would arise, a profound blossoming of appreciation, simply because I stopped demanding that the situation give me anything at all. Weird…

I’ve found that when I travel without seeking happiness from traveling, I actually enjoy traveling 10x more than I did before. Whoa.. It’s like this moment is already so beautiful. It’s not because there’s anything particularly special about what is here or where I am, but it’s like a much more pure seeing. It’s a different type of seeing when you’re not trying to get something from anything. It’s like everything is seen to be beautiful. At the same time, I find I’m not concerned with trying to get more more more in this moment or the next. This moment is already filled with peace, satisfaction, happiness, and joy. All the things I was trying to find! Sweet!

Whether sitting in a coffee shop, driving in my car, going somewhere new, being with friends and family, or being at home and not going anywhere.. this doesn’t depend on where I am or any of those external conditions or places. In a nutshell, when I stop trying to get something I want, I find that I already have it. It just reveals itself when the search for it stops.

It’s almost like the search itself actually overrides the experience of actually having it, ironically enough. It’s like you can have anything you want. Just don’t go out looking for it.

This pattern seems to happen a LOT. Trying to get a sense of comfort, security, and on and on. It’s pretty amazing to look and see how often this grasping tendency seems to happen when you become aware of it. It’s shocking actually…

What About Wanting “Things” Outside Yourself?

What we’re talking about grasping for here is mainly internal things. It’s emotions, feelings, states of being. Happiness, love, that sort of thing.

What about wanting stuff outside of us? Perhaps a good mate, a certain amount of money, a new car, a trip up into space, etc.

We could say that that’s different. After all, money isn’t inside of us. Going to the moon isn’t inside us. Our ideal lover isn’t inside of us… okay wow, that sounds like the setup for an awesome sexual joke, but I digress…

In any event, it feels like physical things other than emotions and feelings are outside of us, and I used to think that too.

3 points about this:

1) Sure those things may appear outside of our physical bodies and we may perceive our bodies to be the physical limits of “us,” but it seems that the “cause” or source of all this is actually within us. Our perception and experience of the world is driven by thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and states of being. It’s that whole “your inner world creates your outer world” bit.

2) There may also start to be the experience of a collapse of both space and the perception of inside and outside as you lose the perception of being centered in a particular point in space and time. When this happens, you find that nothing exists outside of you. In fact, since you don’t exist in any particular location, nothing can truly be said to exist within you. As a manner of speaking, we can say that it all exists within awareness, but perhaps a more accurate way of saying it is that it’s all simply HERE. Since it’s already here and can go no place else, why grasp, try to bring something here, or try and keep it here? None of that even makes sense when it’s all already here.

3) Is it really the *things* that we want? Let’s look at money for example. Money is boring. It’s sheets of paper and chunks of metallic discs. It’s 1′s and 0′s in a computer. There’s nothing special to it. It’s dead and lifeless. It’s not the money itself necessarily that we want, but the experiences that money can give us. Whether it’s the ability to afford different experiences, the feeling of being rich and successful, or whatever else, in the end we want the feelings and emotions that the money brings about. The emotions are available now. We think “I’ll be happy when I get the money.” Why not be happy now? Why wait? What you want, even if it appears to be some thing outside of you, it’s the internal effect that it has upon you that we truly want. In a nutshell, whatever it is that we want, we want it because we believe it will make us feel better. It’s that simple.

So even external things, it again comes back down to the internal game. It’s within. The key is within.

What’s Your Experience With This?

So what about you guys?

Do you find yourself also reaching for something in life?

When you stop and take a look during those times when you feel uncomfortable and want something, do you experience the same sort of energetic tendrils trying to grasp something you think you want?

If you stop doing that, what happens then?

What’s it like for you?

When I was 5 years old my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.

-Unknown

Okay, so what drives human decisions? In a nutshell, we tend to move towards what we believe will bring us pleasure and away from what we believe what will bring us pain. It’s about our beliefs.

It’s not that we move directly towards pleasure itself and away from pain. I’m sure you can find many examples in the world, and perhaps even in your own life, when you have moved away from pleasure and towards pain. Interesting, no? Why would we do such a thing? It’s because on a deeper level, beyond surface-level appearances, we are moving towards what we believe will bring that which feels good and away from what we believe will ultimately make us feel worse. Much of this is subconscious.

So why do we do those things that we “know” aren’t good for us? For example, why do we resist reality? Why do we try to control others or the world? Why do we try and manifest things? Heck, why do we try and get enlightened!? Why do we do all this stuff?

Simple, because we believe that our happiness and well-being depends upon it! Quite literally! In the end, we all want to feel good. We all want to be happy, to experience joy, to love and be loved, to experience all those good feelings and emotions.

So, joy. We’re seeking joy. We want to be happy. It’s pretty simple, really.

Yet this joy we’re seeking is conditional. We experience our happiness dependent upon things out of our control, and that doesn’t feel very good, does it?

What if there was a better way?…

Seeking Joy

So as little kids, we’re happy when we get rewarded, when we get treats. When someone approves of us we feel good and so then associate happiness with approval and validation. When we’re scared and we get our blanket, we feel more secure, and so we think that our security lies in a “security blanket.” As adults this same pattern remains with us, though the security blanket itself may change, whether it comes in the form of money, a dependable spouse, a big house, etc.

Then we may begin discovering that, hey wait a second, we can be happy even without those things. We can feel safe and loved even without our security blankets.

If our happiness depends on an external circumstance, person, or thing, then our happiness is vulnerable. What can be gained can also be lost. We will often do everything in our power to maintain our happiness, but very often we find that we simply can’t control the world enough to maintain our happiness. It’s like the world is stronger than we are.

Seeing this and not wanting to be so helplessly at the effect of the world, we begin learning to let go, surrender, and release our attachments. The whole “spiritual pathway” thing. There are many helpful tools and techniques that can help us in this stage. They are very valuable and can bring us closer and closer to the freedom and joy that is already HERE.

Eventually we begin reaching the point where our tools have done their part and we can begin letting even them go too. If you hurt your leg, a crutch is a very useful tool to help you out until you your leg is strong enough for you to put your weight back on it and walk on it. But if we cling onto our crutch for, what was originally intended to help us out eventually becomes a limitation itself! Why do you think they call it a crutch!?

Many of our spiritual tools are designed to help us go beyond the experience of “my happiness depends upon XYZ.” Be careful that application of your tool doesn’t itself become the next apparent source/cause of happiness or else you have simply traded one condition for your happiness for another.

The tool is never the point. The tool itself is not even what is important. Finger pointing to the moon. It is a stepping stone towards something greater until it is no longer needed. It is something that we must let go of, yet this can be very hard for people to do. It’s scary to let go of your crutches at first and then walk and even run freely! But there is a point when we MUST let go of all our tools in order to go beyond.

A tool is not the source of happiness. A truly helpful tool assists us in finding the happiness already within us so that we no longer need the tool anymore! So this isn’t to invalidate the usefulness of any tool, far from it. It’s simply about put them in their appropriate context.

Tools help us become more loving, more spiritual, more conscious, more forgiving, and all that jazz. Yet simultaneously there is also the presence of that which IS, which isn’t affected by any tools, which doesn’t become more of anything or less of anything. All tools exist within this, but none of them can touch or change this.

The Source of Joy

The quality of inner silence and presence remains like a subtle energy inside this body. Each time you turn your attention in this way, you will notice this beautiful peaceful energy. Get used to it and gradually this current of joy and peace will remain unbroken in you.”

-Mooji

The more we let go, the more we find this natural sense of happiness, joy, and peace arising all on its own without us having to really do anything deliberately. I call this arising natural because it is uncaused, unforced, uncreated, unmanifested, and unfiltered. It’s pure and untouched, just as it is.

There is this ground of being, the felt sense “I Am”, one’s very own existence, Life itself manifesting as an apparent person. It is this unchanging constant silent presence that is the true source of joy, that IS Joy itself.

To BE is itself already a huge gift. When we live in the domain of the mind, there is a vacillation between “life is good” and “life sucks” and we tend to do whatever we think’ll make us feel better, but very often what we think will work doesn’t, hence the saying “be careful what you wish for” (because you just may get it and realize that it doesn’t actually give you what you wanted fundamentally… happiness and joy)

The more the mind and all its conceptual spinnings can be free to just fall away on their own in their own time, the more this ground of being can move from the background into the forefront of conscious awareness.

“This realization is such a profound shift, in that, one realizes the identity of self to naturally be awareness itself, and not the ideas or images arising in awareness. It is in this presence, that the reality of life unfolds. Therefore, there is only the witnessing of what comes and goes, that ever happens to exist — and you are that.”

-Matt Kahn

Causeless Joy

When we think that joy is a result, that it has a cause which comes as a result of some accomplishment or attainment, then we will seek to maintain this temporary event as long as possible, or to keep creating and recreating it, lest we lose that which we want. No! Anything but that!

Yet when we go deep enough within and discover for ourselves the presence of the ground of Being and what it depends on (if anything) in order for joy to be present, the more we can stop imposing all these unnecessary and artificial conditions upon our happiness and just BE. We discover that somehow, this itself is entirely sufficient. The quality and nature of Being may itself inspire positive emotion, yet it itself is somehow beyond emotional condition and thus it is free of the emotional pendulum swing. The presence of Being is NOT lost when you feel bad and so emotions need not be feared as if they cover this up.

Yes thoughts are inseparably tied to emotion, but what we are pointing to here goes beyond emotion.

“The truth is already itself, and you are that truth. If you are looking for truth, and attempting to find it somewhere else, or through a process of becoming someone else, you are unclear about what truth actually is; lost in the dream of a well-organized thinker, adrift in a sea of endless spiritual ideas.”

-Matt Kahn

The Law of Attraction

I’d like to wrap up with a little bit on the law of attraction here. From the place of seeking joy as a caused result, why would we want to manifest something? Because we see manifestation as an integral part of the cause of joy! Because we love the excitement of thinking about and anticipating the arrival of that which we want, because we love the experience of the creative process unfolding before our eyes, we enjoy the synchronicities along the way, and we are happy that we have creative control over our reality.

It feels great to “be in the vortex” as Abraham puts it, but when we start thinking and believing in thought that is out of alignment with reality, then we experience the response called negative motion.

As such, our happiness is still experienced to be conditional. It’s dependent upon thinking positive thoughts, allowing yourself to go with the flow, and so on. This is how we tend to experience life, is it not?

Yet what I’m finding is that when you start releasing these conditions upon your happiness, positive thoughts begin to happen on their own, when thoughts do arise in the first place, that is. The mind begins to quiet down naturally, yet thoughts do continue to arise, although they are taken less seriously and are not seen to be as much of a problem anymore. In the presence of Being, somehow you just don’t even believe these thoughts that keep passing by! They’re not being followed the way they once were, and they’re certainly not seen to contain more importance and weight than the presence of Being!

Going with the flow itself becomes a natural way of being in the world. Unconditional love and appreciation for all of life, including this mind/body/personality/history/energy blob we call “me,” somehow arises all on its own, all without us having to think our way to happiness. The happiness is somehow found to already be here! These things are our natural state when we stop placing conditions upon our happiness and joy. Our cork rises naturally when we quit resisting so damn hard! You don’t “raise your vibration.” Just quit resisting and it raises itself!!

and speaking of the LoA, here’s the ironic/amazing thing about how it ties into all this causeless joy stuff… The more we quit trying to control our realities and manifest stuff in order to create happiness and instead we let go and let go of that condition, the more we quit waiting for the manifestation of that which we want in order to experience joy and the more we begin experiencing that desired happiness and joy NOW. Woohoo! The more we begin experiencing that appreciation and unconditional love NOW. Sweet!

The more we quit making our happiness, joy, appreciation, and love conditional upon the world, since the world is basically our mirror, it has no choice but to reflect all that back to us!

What is it that Abraham keeps saying is the most important thing? “There is nothing more important than that you feel good.” The more we quit trying to “make this all happen” and just be happy now for its own sake, the more all the stuff that we want starts to effortlessly flow into our lives. Well gee, that was easy! The more we quit holding on to and defending our old and familiar patterns of egoic resistance, the more we can just relax into this timeless ground of Being without waiting for some ideal time in the future or thinking that it existed in some past moment or experience which we now need to recreate.

“Why are you happy?”

“No reason at all!”

Causeless joy, this joy within that is at the heart of what you are, here it is! And it has no cause!

P.S. Thanks to my facebook buddies for passing along such wonderful quotes used above.

Okay, so let’s get into the nitty gritty of awakening for a bit. To be honest, there’s been quite a bit of struggle arising here, wanting desperately to return to the experience of wholeness, of unity, of the lack of lack, of the conscious recognition of what I am. One of the main issues about the human condition is the sense of lack within. We can talk about that void that people try to fill with food, sex, experiences, physical possessions, and so on. On a deep deep level, it feels like something’s missing and people will do whatever it takes to fill that void. From the perception of a separate self, I myself am not sufficient and thus I need something other than me to fill this gaping hole within me… but nothing I get is ever sufficient. If it does feel sufficient, it’s only temporary. Like a drug addict, I always need another fix. I always need more…

Now there’s a really weird experience that can arise after an initial non-abiding awakening. Basically what happens is that you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the egoic self is not you, that your thoughts have no reality, and that there is literally no such thing as a separate self, and yet simultaneously for some reason you continue to believe in and experience a separate self. You experience living life as a “me.” It can create a tremendous amount of conflict within, as if something has gone terribly wrong. You believe something and don’t believe something simultaneously. It’s really crazy to really experience both at the same time…

Disidentification

I took a drive down to downtown Denver today to check out the flagship REI store in all its multi-story glory. There was traffic along the highway and I spontaneously found myself falling into a sort of driving meditation. Basically just relaxing into the moment. Suddenly and without warning, it was as if there was a silent balloon bursting within me and there was a sort of separation (too strong of a word.. more like complete and total disidentification) with the body. I just looked down at my arms holding the steering wheel and was stunned to see in perfect clarity that this body that was driving here was literally NOT ME… at ALL. It was just some sort of suit to use to move around with. This body has more in common with the car that was being driven than with who I am. The body is a vehicle.

Then the line of statements naturally arose, “I’m not this body. I’m not anything here that is happening. I’m not any of these passing thoughts or feelings that arising now. What am I?”

Awareness turned back around on itself and it was stunningly clear that there was NO ONE HERE to be aware.

“Ohhh shit” was my response. Pure emptiness was then recognized to be what I truly was. Emptiness is literally no one. No thing. Yet somehow this pure emptiness is aware. Inexplicably. It’s like recognizing that infinite empty space is aware. It is conscious. There’s nothing there and yet it is aware.

Being

Eckhart Tolle talks about our true nature being “pure being.” Isness. Existence. The word “being” is easily misunderstood so I’m gonna get a little nitpicky here because the misunderstanding of this word has led to both delusion and confusion here. When we refer to being, we are not talking about a being. It’s not a spiritual being, as opposed to another type of being, not a human being or a living being or a dead being, not this being as opposed to that being. Just being. One without a second.

We are not conscious beings, as if there are more than one of us. You are not “a conscious being.” Neither am I. There is only being. What you are inside is literally emptiness. No-thingness. Spaciousness.

Separation, Only In Imagination

Have you ever noticed how someone can say something and our minds will spin an entire story filled with drama and fanfare about how rude they were and how wrong they were and how on-and-on-and-on… and yet they were being totally nice! It’s like we misinterpreted them and thus experience them as if they were being mean. We experience something that literally isn’t true and never happened, except for in the presence of our own imaginations. This is the same thing about experiencing ourselves as a separate self. We think we really are a person. I have “my body” and “my ideas” and “my history” and “my life.” There is the experience of a separate self in our imaginations, but there really isn’t one.

Now I know this isn’t what human minds are typically designed to understand. We are taught to “be somebody,” to be rich or famous or a doctor or a teacher or whatever else… be something. Yet what if the reality was that you are not a something at all? What if the very creation of a “someone” in itself creates a “something else” that exists in relationship to “me”? Instant duality.

Awake and Asleep

It seems that the main difference between the asleep state and the awake state is one of identification. Asleep there is identification with something that awareness is aware of. It’s like watching a movie on TV and literally thinking you ARE what you’re looking at. You watch your thoughts going by and think that you ARE your thoughts. You look at your body and think that you ARE your body. Awake, there is just the effortless passing of all form in front of the screen of consciousness. You are the nameless, formless, emptiness that gives rise to all form and yet is not separate from all manifestation. You create it all, and yet paradoxically there is no “you” present to be a creator or do the creating. It all simply arises.

There seems to be a process of awakening which involves all the letting go, surrender, and spiritual work and practices that we can do. It’s the game of the doer. The process takes time. Then there is the actual instantaneous flipping or awakening, the shift from delusion to Reality. The awakening itself takes no time.

After going through this experience, I put Adyashanti’s program The End of Your World back in the CD player and started listening through it again. As always, it is so perfect. It really gets to the heart of the non-abiding awakening process and explores many of the more subtle issues and confusions that arise. Again, highly highly recommended for anyone going through the non-abiding awakening process.

Facing Inner “Stuff”

One thing he talks about is the willingness to face anything and everything that creates any anger, resentment, resistance, or inner conflict of any kind. It’s like a willingness to face yourself, or at least what you perceive to be the resistant aspects of yourself. This is one of the biggest parts of my own process right now. I’m finding myself facing lifelong insecurities and fears. What if I wind up homeless? Well I am now. What if I don’t know what to do with my life? Well I have no clue now. What about facing the aspects of myself that have caused problems in intimate relationships? I’m facing those too. Yes there is fear within me, but I’m not afraid of having the fear. Fear yes, but not the fear of fear. This seems to be the big key. There’s an understanding about the nature of fear, of emotion in general, and a willingness to face it. What I’m fearing manifests. What I desire manifests. Everything within me is really showing up in the world. One thing that I’m finding is that those things that I fear really aren’t so bad. It’s almost like our fears are little kittens with the roar of a tiger. They seem terrible before we actually face them.

So saying all this, I don’t want to separate out the living of everyday life from one’s spiritual awakening, as if one’s spirituality had to be separated into a neat little box. Like “I’ll be spiritual when I go meditate in my quiet room, but the rest of my life is separate from my spirituality.” No, no. They really seem to go hand-in-hand.

Is it necessary to go out and physically do all the stuff you’re afraid of? *shrugs* I dunno. This is simply the way much of this experience is playing out here. It’s going out and really putting some of my deepest unconscious beliefs to the test and giving the ego nothing to hold onto. Stuff that I’ve resisted for years, here it is and so what? It’s no big deal. It’s not in alignment with how things actually work anyways. I can let that go. It’s clearly not true and I have no reason whatsoever to buy into those beliefs anymore.

The Doer and the Self

and so there seems to be this Ariel guy here, living his life, doing all the stuff he does, surrendering or resisting, and yet having no control whatsoever over his awakening, as if he was the one who would awaken. Ariel can’t awaken. He is just a mental collection of ideas and physical matter and emotions and.. stuff. He is an abstract concept, but he isn’t real. He has no real existence. He is part of the spinning world of name and form existing only in the mind of consciousness.

Then there is this emptiness that doesn’t actually do anything. The conscious recognition of emptiness by emptiness. The recognition of the Self recognizing the Self that we call awakening, there doesn’t seem to be any real trigger to it. There is literally no control of it. It literally feels like an on/off switch that is switching by itself.

The following quote just passed by on facebook and it feels so fitting right now:

Realise that the conceptual thinker and conceptual thoughts seemingly obscure the non-conceptual natural state. Pause a thought even for an instant and the natural state is fully evident. STOP and SEE. In the seeing, pure awareness gets used to itself…

-Sailor Bob

The bit about pure awareness getting used to itself, this seems to be SO key. It’s about getting used to being no one, just spacious emptiness awareness. It is unborn and uncreated. It has no face. Rather than the world of name and form and thought and physicality basically pulling consciousness in to a sense of contraction and identification which is the hallmark of the asleep state, there is a sort of getting used to being pure awareness, of being the no thing that simply is.

Okay, first of all a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who donated the past few days. I am tremendously grateful to each and every one of you and I’d like you to know that yes, your gift makes a big difference. Not only that, it’s been really cool to hear some of the stories that have come forth after donating. For example, one reader/friend donated to me and also wanted to get a new pair of dance shoes. She then shared with me that the very next day, her dance teacher flat out gave her exactly the dance shoes she wanted and wouldn’t let her pay for them. Get this… the cost of the dance shoes was exactly the amount she’d donated! It’s really cool to see this flow of giving and receiving, how it works in both directions, and it’s on this note that I’d like to begin this post.

It seems like a big part of “being in the flow” is not only being open to receiving abundant blessings from the universe, from other people, and from every which way, but also being open to give what you have to offer. It’s important for both ends of the giving/receiving pipe be open for the best experience of flow. Now by giving, this doesn’t necessarily imply giving physical stuff like money or your possessions, although that’s certainly just as much a part of it as anything else. Less tangible things like a helping hand, a kind smile, an encouraging word, or even your time… these things can all be HUGE gifts… It seems like the greatest gift you can give is the gift of yourself in whatever form you show up. I don’t mean to make this sound like “I’m all that” or “I’m God’s gift to humanity” in an egotistical sense or any of that nonsense, but it seems like when you just naturally show up and shine your light, that seems to impact people more than anything you could possibly do by trying to give for whatever reason. It’s pretty surprising to me still to see over and over that life, for whatever reason, simply works best when I just give up trying to manifest this or make that happen or get this person to respond that way or any of that effort-based stuff… When I say “enough already” and just be myself and enjoy and appreciate what I already DO have, life is FAR more enjoyable, new things and people show up much more easily, and everything just works BETTER.

Since I’m enjoying just being myself more and more these days as opposed to trying to deliberately play the role of teacher or student as if this was all so serious :lol , let’s have a little fun here. Let’s tell a little story today… and since we’re playing like children, let’s make this story like a picture book. How ’bout that?

Off to the Mountains!

Okay, so the weather forecast this week called for sunny and clear skies up in the mountains, so I headed to the local REI to talk to people about places to go camping. Sure enough, I stumbled right into a couple talking to a guy about this exact thing, so I mozied right on in to the conversation. Synchronicity, you rock! The guy suggested two different places, one of which intuitively lit up more for me than the other. After picking up a detailed map of the area, I hopped into the car and started driving. The trail I was going to visit was actually a snowshoe trail and I don’t own a pair of showshoes yet, but the intuition said go anyways so off I went regardless!

There’s a road that heads up into the mountains through a canyon from Boulder to Nederland. You gain about 3,000 feet of elevation here. At the bottom of the canyon there was a guy thumbing it so I pulled over and picked him up. Turns out he was a really cool guy, lived in Georgia as well, and even knew my friend who lives up in Ned. Small world!! Apparently it’s really common to hitch between Ned and Boulder. He told me that the nickname for that road was the hippy elevator and I had a good laugh about it… At one point during the drive I happened to glance over and notice the two cup holders in my car, only one of which had a bottle of water, the one I drink from when driving. I naturally asked if he wanted one and he eagerly accepted, saying that he just had some cocktails with his friends and could use some water. I reached back behind my seat and pulled out a fresh bottle for him. With this experience I really took note of how easily the water I had available blended with his desire for water, like two pieces of the puzzle. The link between the two was a very natural flow that really didn’t take much conscious thought. It’s as if I was guided to look in a certain place which triggered an idea within me.

Questionless Intuition

This is a big part of how I am now transitioning to experiencing intuition.

You see, it used to be that I’d have a few options in front of me and I’d stop and picture myself doing one of the options. Usually one of them would feel more light, expansive, spacious, joyous, exciting, free, light-hearted, easy, and fun. That sense of openness would be my answer. Yet doing it this way, I’d have to stop and deliberately ask and try out a few things, waiting to get that feeling of expansiveness before continuing.

After a while, you start to develop the ability to make that feeling of expansiveness your home. It’s not just your answer to questions, but because a feeling-based way of life. When you start to spend more and more time in this empty expansiveness, you find that there’s a natural arising of things to do, words to speak, places to go, and so on. It’s not just about big things like “Should I move here,” but it also helps guide conversations and the next topic to bring up as we speak. Certain topics have a sort of “vibrational signature” of expansiveness, openness, and light. I like to allow conversations to flow by maintaining that feeling first and foremost and bringing up words and ideas that also “fit” with this feeling.

Sometimes there are things I could say that feel like closure, judgment, and egotism. I’ve noticed that every time I bring up those words or ideas, conversations hit a snag. People don’t react as well. I don’t feel as good. It’s like anything that doesn’t match that feeling of openness and expansiveness doesn’t fit as part of the flow.

And so instead of stopping the flow to ask the intuition ahead of time if this or that is better, it becomes more of a natural continuous flow that you fall into, and you allow every action, word, and movement to be a natural expression of that expansiveness. Instead of a clear “this way” or “that way” that practically beats you over the head with an answer, it starts to become far more subtle so you really have to tune in and pay intention.

That feeling you get from your intuition becomes more than just an answer. It becomes a way of life…

Hiking Out Into the Woods

and so it is on that note that I headed out into the woods. Putting on my snow gear, I headed out into the woods to find a place to set up camp. One of the first potential camp sites I came to was this big clearing which looked to be like a meadow. I considered setting up my tent here, but got a feeling that I should keep walking. It wasn’t until afterwards that I remembered from the map that that wasn’t a meadow, but a frozen lake! Yikes.. that wouldn’t be a comfortable feeling to sleep on top of that…

Continuing to walk along the trail, I spotted this little area next to the trail that offered a perfect place to throw up a tent. It was surrounded by trees which offered a natural windbreak and was still right next to the trail which made for easy access.

That first day I simply sat back and relaxed. In the mountains. Finally…

Above is an afternoon shot. If you look at my boot, you’ll notice how the sun shines in from the side, from the southwest. In the mornings, it would rise from the southeast, right in the dead center of this shot. It would make for a brilliant morning…

One amazing thing about this area is the sound… Atop the spectacular limitless silence you have the wind as it blows across from peak to peak, rustling my tent as it blows by, the very occasional hikers (and dogs) that walk by, the rustling of my gear as I move around, the occasional plane that flies overhead, and the little birds that like to come by. Not much else…

I loved these little snow birds that were super friendly and curious. They’ll fly on over and land on a branch right over my tent or even come down and hop along the snow right next to my tent. I loved the little footprints they’d leave… You know how humans walk one foot in front of the other, leaving a trail of left, right, left, right? Well these little guys hop with both feet together so their tracks are a series of parallel lines that jump across the snow. Here’s one of the birds as he hopped right up to my tent and shared my view with me.

What Happens When You Don’t Get A Response From Your Intuition?

A little backstory about how I wound up coming to Colorado in the first place…

I’d been wanting to go set out and move somewhere more outdoorsy and spiritually open for a while now. Years even. The thing is I’d been too flat out terrified of doing so. Scared of life, basically.

Eventually I worked out the courage to go for it and started considering places to go: California, New Zealand, Colorado, etc. The synchronicities started popping up everywhere… Colorado. Colorado. Colorado. A friend of mine suggested I come on out to Boulder. Of course I’d still have the option to go somewhere else if I didn’t like it, but at least I’d be taking that first step. It sounded like fun, but for some reason I met a lot of resistance to the idea. A lot… I’d really like to do something like this, but could I really do it??

Since I’d been developing my intuitive capacity, I decided that I’d ask it whether or not now was the right time to go, and I’d go with what it said either way. The thing is, I COULDN’T get an answer from it no matter what I tried. How frustrating! It wasn’t fun feeling so indecisive, especially when another person’s plans depend upon your decision…

That whole thing fell through. It wasn’t until later that another friend suggested I check out Telluride, a small skiing town in southwest, CO. That sounded superexciting and when I checked it out, it felt like all systems go! Alright! Got a target! As I started making my plans, selling off the things I didn’t need, my excitement slowly started to fade from Telluride for some reason and Boulder started lighting back up for me. Fine! Alright! You’ve got my attention now. I now see that Telluride was simply being used as bait to get me to MOVE in that general direction. Once I did, it was easy enough to change to Boulder instead.

Here’s a map pointing out the two cities:

I bring up this story because on the second day of my trip out here to the mountains, I was wondering what I should do that morning after waking up. Should I get up and go hike out, hopefully not encountering deep snow along the way? Should I spend time meditating? What would be best for me to do right now? Again, no answer from the intuition…

As I sat in my tent, a few sets of snowshoers hiked past my tent along the trail. Most of the groups were your typical looking hikers, just kinda in zombie-mode as they walked through the woods. Then these two women walked by, both utterly radiant and beaming with joy. One was practically bouncing along the trail while the other looked over at my tent, smiled, and simply said hello. There’s my answer. I quickly put my shoes, grabbed my pack, and hit the trail.

Back In The Flow…

Again, this was another example of not needing to ask and get an answer, but simply relax and allow life to show me the flow in its own perfect time. I met up with these two women along a frozen lake at the end of the trail and sat down with them while we all had lunch together. Turns out that like most people I’d met here in Boulder, they were amazing! It’s soooo common here to be able to approach most anyone and be dive right into a conversation about energy, living in the moment, consciousness, spiritual awareness, following your joy, intuition, and so on. Back in Georgia people like this certainly existed, but it seemed to be more in small pockets within a larger bubble of Christianity. Here finding people who are more open-minded is basically the norm! It’s not that you have to deliberately talk about spirituality per se. You just be yourself, talk about how you live your life, ask them how they live theirs, talk about what you enjoy, ask them what they enjoy, and just talk about whatever comes up in the moment… Remember what I mentioned earlier about being in that feeling place of expansiveness and talking about whatever seems to naturally come from that space?

The three of us had an amazing time together and I really enjoyed their company… It’s so much easier to find people I click with out here.

Another great thing I love is how free and playful people can be out here. It’s so common to see dirt-covered cars out here. You can tell they’ve been out playing! The other day I was out hiking closer to Boulder with a meetup group. We were walking through a muddy patch and looking down at our footing to make sure every foot was placed in a good spot when I heard the familiar sucking sound of someone making impact in the mud. I look up to see this one woman laughing, having landed butt-first right in the mud, just covered in a splattering of brown goop. Since she was down, she played around in the mud a bit and made sure to get some pictures before finally getting up and out of the mud. People aren’t afraid to get dirty here…

On that note, here I am, sitting in a coffee shop back in Boulder, smelling like, well… smelling like you’d expect a person to smell after a few days of being out in the woods.

It was a wonderful drive down out of the mountains… after 3 days and 2 nights. The roads were nice and clear and the drive was so scenic and enjoyable…

It’s great to be down at a lower elevation. It was a bit tough to breathe at times up at 10,000 feet, especially the very first day. Coming back down nearly a mile in elevation it’s a bit different. It’s kinda like when you fast for a few days and then try eating again. Even though you haven’t eaten for days, you can’t eat a normal sized meal. It’s almost like your stomach shrunk. Coming back down from 10,000 feet, I could take a deep breath but it’d be slightly painful with my lungs expanding a bit more than they were used to. Fortunately it doesn’t take very long to acclimate.

Giving and Receiving

It was a really cool couple of days… I got to experience receiving from a lot of people and giving to a lot of people, giving out rides to those who needed them, giving time and sharing joy with those around me, giving food to the homeless on the side of the road, receiving food and snacks from others… There definitely seems to be a sense of liberated and open balance when you’re in the flow. When you need something and ask, it is given. When you have something which someone else needs, it feels great to give. You get to enjoy the way it feels to give and experience what it’s like to have enough NOW.

Also, there’s DEFINITELY a difference between giving from a place of abundance and having more than enough versus giving and feeling like you have less in the end but you do it anyways because it’s the “compassionate” or “spiritual” or “loving” thing to do. It seems like when you give from a place of lack, you experience yourself having less at the cost of the other having more. Win/lose. That’s a good start and it’s well-intentioned, but there is something better. When you give from the feeling place of having enough, the other experiences having more and you (seeing yourself as a Source with yet even more to give) experience having more as well. It winds up being win/win. Again, the key is to come from a feeling place of having enough. It’s not about what external circumstances are showing you. It’s about what feeling place you come from. That’s the key here.

So getting yourself into a place of abundance, well-being, and having enough, that seems to be super-important when it comes to giving. Giving seems to be most enjoyable and most beneficial to everyone when people choose to be in a place of abundance and are open to both giving and receiving. Life flows both ways. In truth, there’s really only one flow happening here, and we’re all open vessels allowing (or resisting) the flow, but never controlling.

A Final Note: Gratitude

Gratitude… gratitude is awesome. Being thankful for what you do have… it’s like this one simple state of being opens you up to the flow, thereby opening yourself up to receiving even more and being able to give even more. It’s almost like gratitude and appreciation (and I’ve never heard anyone say this this way… it’s just coming to me now) opens up a valve for the flow. Saying it now and understanding the LoA, it makes a lot of sense. Abraham calls it “being in the vortex” and this is basically the same thing. This is that.

So “be happy for what you have”… It’s not something your parents tell you when you used to whine about what you wanted and they wanted you to quit whining… Okay, so it may be a little bit of that too but there is a deep wisdom in that statement. “Be happy for what you have.” Really. It’ll transform your life…

and last but not least, let’s play a game called “Spot the Picnic Table!”

So I’ve been on the road about 5 weeks now, driven over 4600 miles, and have been living life in experimentation mode by applying various principles I’ve come to know and seeing how well they really work in this whole “real life” thing. I’ve made amazing friends partying at Mardi Gras, photographed a cheer and dance competition in Texas, skied in New Mexico, camped along the Rio Grande, hiked down into the Grand Canyon, had an ostrich bite my camera, been homeless in Colorado, discovered how every state has is very own distinct vibe, experienced the most ridiculous and consistent degrees of synchronicity, met amazing friends all over the country, had the universe repeatedly bring me all that I want including exactly the type of weather I want when I want it, been given free food and lodging all over the country… Quite honestly this is the most exciting and simultaneously the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.

I’m learning SO much. There’s lots of things I’m learning that I didn’t know before and many things that I’m finally actually GETTING. To use an analogy, let’s say you’ve done martial arts for a while and your instructor keeps telling you, “Hands up! Keep your hands up!” and so you know that your hands need to be up but when you’re practicing, your hands subconsciously keep coming down. It isn’t until you actually spar against an opponent and get clocked in the head that you finally GET IT that your hands need to be UP!  This is a lot like that. As is often said, life is our greatest teacher… There’s a lot of things that I “knew” didn’t work, and if you were to ask me before, I’d tell you that no, such-and-such doesn’t work. If you asked me now, I’d be like “nah dude, really, that shit DOES NOT WORK!!” It’s that transition from mental understanding to gut-level understanding.

This has also been a very emotional experience in that it’s forcing me to really look at myself. I’m basically free to go where I want and do what I want (within reason… a 4 wheel drive or all wheel drive vehicle would be super handy for going up into the snowy mountain peaks and camping in the backcountry, for example, buy I digress…). One thing I wanted from this trip was to really shed light onto the remaining unconscious portions of myself. See, I remember Adyashanti talking about when his awakenings first started, and they also began in the nonabiding form as I am experiencing, when he was going through his process he’d sit down in a coffee shop for hours writing and writing about his beliefs and exploring any area within him that would still go into division. This has been a big part of my journey here. It’s really taking what I’ve learned and applying it all. Jump in with both feet and apply the law of attraction, for example. Apply the ability to surrender and let go when your ego gets bruised and you face your inner darkness head on. Do all the stuff you need to do because now it really matters. It’s crunch time and the pressure’s on.

Freedom of Experience

To what degree do I want to experience freedom? I’ve thrown up a tent and camped in state parks and enjoyed being out in nature. I’ve slept in my car and enjoyed waking up in new places and not having to tear down a tent in the cold mornings. I’ve stayed in hotels and loved the big comfy bed and the little kitchenettes that allow me to cook. I’ve stayed on friends’ futons and enjoyed the free lodging and social life. What is the most harmonious expression of freedom that I’d like to experience? Let’s go out and try a lot of different things and see what they’re like!

Now I’m looking for a more permanent home to throw down some roots. It seems that this country really caters to those with a home and address. Where do I want to live? I can live in Denver, a big city with lots of different regions all over. I can live in Boulder which is a smaller town with a great spiritual vibe and amazing outdoorsy people. I can live up in a small mountain town like Nederland which gets a lot more snow and has more unplowed roads. Heck, I can even go live in a tipi on a sustainable farm! So many options! What do I want? What does my heart say?

Go dive into the unknown and follow that intuition… Let’s see where it takes me.

Spontaneity vs. Planning

What degree of structure do I want in my life? What works best? What feels best? What is most enjoyable? You can try going out somewhere in the world where you literally have NOTHING that you need to do. No plans. No nothing. Just show up and here you are. Where does your intuition lead you next? Completely and utterly spontaneous, allowing synchronicity to be everything.

Do you want a full schedule with lots of things to do and times to be at certain places?

Do you want to be generally open with only a few things scheduled to give your life some sense of  structure and direction while simultaneously being open to change direction on a dime?

I’m finding the last option to be most enjoyable for me. Complete and utter no plans doesn’t feel so good. I like having a next step to head towards in life and a few things on my to-do list. I like having an overall purpose for my life within which I allow the flow to occur. What do you like?

This is something that has been really valuable, to really let go and actually try out lots of different ways of being in the world and find what feels and works best for YOU. This is probably something that each person needs to find out for themselves…

Intuition

Intuition is SO bang on. It’s been my go-to option whenever it comes down to make a decision. Virtually every decision now is simply a matter of asking my intuition. What does this feel like? How does that option feel? Eventually you really start to develop the ability to discern between the feelings of expansiveness, openness, joy, excitement, and subtleness that usually comes with the intuition’s yes versus the sense of closure, downness, no, stopping, almost shut down that comes with the intuition’s no. Honestly one of the main challenges is getting the mind to align with the intuition. That’s really where the main challenge seems to lie, in getting the mind with all its logic and reasoning to surrender to a simple feeling that doesn’t explain itself.

Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction really works. I mean it REALLY works. I experience so consistently whatever it is that I most strongly think and believe deep down. It’s SO clear…

You are the light, mind is the prism, the world is your rainbow.
-Ash Ruiz

One thing I found amusing was to over and over hear people say “but this never happens!” It’s like everywhere I’d go, restaurants would hand me free food and beer, the weather would be perfect and just as I’d asked, things would just work out for me, and I’d just smile knowing that this has all been created within me and is being experienced due to my own inner alignment. At the same time, I only experience it to the degree that the alignment with inner being is maintained. It’s like a direct 1:1 relationship. Alignment with inner being, loving what is, non-resistance to the present moment, being in the vortex, being in a state of allowing, flowing the energy of Source through you, whatever you wanna call it… this one singular thing is what leads to the unfoldment of all that I desire in ways that are more amazing that I could have ever imagined had I been trying to micromanage or control any of this. It’s like having full creative power of choosing my vibrational state of being and simultaneously having no control over the physical world. The more I surrender control of the world and focus on inner alignment, the more the apparently outer world shows up in ways that reflect my inner alignment. This is really what the LoA is all about.

Happiness

This has been a pretty hard-hitting one for me. I really thought on some level that going out and jumping in to what I perceived to be a life of freedom and travel would bring happiness. It was subtle, but it was definitely here. This has been one false notion that’s been crashing down the past few days, and it’s been a tough pill to swallow. How many times have I thought that going out and “living the life of my dreams” would be what I was looking for? Wasn’t that what life was supposed to be about? It’s the idea that a certain lifestyle = happiness. Nope. Being out here in Colorado doesn’t make me happy. Heck, even manifesting all the stuff that I want doesn’t make me happy. Experiencing synchronicity and being in the flow itself doesn’t make me happy. It really doesn’t. I’m finding I keep placing conditions on my happiness and joy, as if something in life needs to be a certain way so that I can experience happiness and so I go about trying to structure my life a certain way. I keep placing these conditions on myself and finding that they keep come crashing down. They don’t work.

What I keep coming to find is that happiness DOES NOT lie outside of myself, as cliche as that may be. Happiness isn’t found in being loved. It isn’t found in living a certain lifestyle. It isn’t found in finally getting something you’ve always wanted. It doesn’t lie in mastery of a certain skill or achievement in a particular ability, including manifesting everything you want. Not at all…

The way it seems that it works is that happiness is found within, as if we ARE it. Literally. We find that we ARE it when we quit looking to FIND it. This inner being that is along for the journey every step of the way, this awareness that is ALWAYS present no matter how epic or traumatic the experience of life is, this presence that is always always always here, it’s so easy to get distracted from that and get lost in thought or lost in the world or lost in experiences, and yet this beingness is always here. When there’s a turning within, Love is found here. Joy is found here. Happiness is found here. Peace is found here.  Well-being is found here. It doesn’t matter where in the world I am or what is happening around me. It’s like this ground of being is becoming my home, silence is becoming my home, even if I don’t have a physical place to call home.

I wanted to write a book about the Law of Attraction, put together a workshop, collect videos that were especially helpful and so on, and yet what I’m starting to find is that mastery of manifesting DOES NOT BRING HAPPINESS. If I ever do come out with a product on the LoA, manifesting is going to be seen as sooooo secondary to being joyous, to being joy itself.

Byron Katie

The other day I was listening to Byron Katie and she said a number of things that completely blew me away…

Her whole thing is about questioning your thoughts and no longer believing in thought whatsoever, thereby ending your suffering. Her process to help us accomplish this she calls The Work and it’s repeatedly proving itself to be so effective and powerful…

She says that all suffering is a result of believing in thought. Period.  She mentioned that one thing she loves about life is that when someone else experiences pain, she doesn’t. When she experiences pain, the other doesn’t. We *think* that we suffer because of what another says or does, but the reality is we suffer because we believe thoughts that arise within us about what another said or did. If we didn’t believe any of our thoughts, experiences would simply happen and we wouldn’t suffer as a result of them. When you no longer believe in your thoughts, you are in heaven. When asked if she still feels like she’s in heaven even when bad things happen to her, she said she no longer perceives them as bad because she’s done the inquiry and doesn’t believe the thoughts that arise that suggest something is bad. She then went so far as to suggest that what if you went to heaven and took all your current thoughts with you. Would you then even experience heaven at all? The thing is you wouldn’t, and this is the condition most people are in. We all are in heaven right now, and yet we don’t experience it because we believe in our thoughts.

This is something that Adya has mentioned before as well, that he has literally lost the ability to believe in his own thoughts… I’ve wondered how this plays out in terms of the LoA which says that what you believe you experience… The two perspectives kinda seem at odds and this is a paradox that I have still only partially resolved for myself.

In any event, questioning my own thoughts repeatedly is bringing SO much valuable insight to me, so much clarity, and so much understanding. It’s a very useful technique…

So What Now?

There is SO much I don’t know. Everytime I think I know something, life gently and lovingly shows me how completely utterly wrong I am. There’s just so much more surrender to experience, a continual opening up to even deeper love (especially the scarier places), finding more areas of darkness and bringing the light into them, being happy and joyous for its own sake without any reason necessary, letting go of those fears and resistances and doubts and worries, and really just BEING. Being, loving, enjoying, surrendering…

Really I don’t know anything. Geez…

All I know is that here I am, sitting in a coffee shop, reflecting on the past few weeks of… good god… I don’t know how to describe it…

Whew… So yeah… If you’ve made it this far along and enjoyed what was shared, If you wanna read more from a wandering guy who has no idea what he’s doing half the time  :lol  feel free to donate some cash and help me pay for food and gas. It’s certainly appreciated!

Until next time, happy living!!

-Ariel