Accepting the Darkest Depths Within

Category Ego, Healing

So I’m in somewhat of an emotional slump at this point. Spiritual growth isn’t always rosy and happy. It’s about knowing who you truly are and being willing to look within and face what you see, no matter what it is.

There’s this saying I’d like to paraphrase:

The 3 most mysterious things in the universe are:

Air to a bird
Water to a fish
A man unto a man

A bird is always using air, flying through it, breathing it in, yet what is it? It is completely immersed in air and has no context of airlessness (or vacuum) in which to compare the air.

What is water to a fish? Water is what surrounds it, is everywhere it looks, even flows through the body of the fish. It doesn’t know water because it’s always known water. It is totally unconscious of and unaware of water. It isn’t unless it’s actually scooped up out of the water that it can look around and say, “What the heck? What just happened? My entire perspective is shattering.”

Our perspective of the world is a lot like this. We may perceive the world in a certain way such as “People are untrustworthy” or “When people give me a certain look, it means I’m unworthy” or “Connecting to others and becoming vulnerable is dangerous and threatening.” Whatever it is we believe deep down at our core, we will see this belief reflected back to us in the world. The belief has no inherent reality, but the world will show us that our belief is, in fact, right and thus our beliefs are self-reinforcing. Instead of realizing that we’re subconsciously creating this same reality and the same experiences over and over again, we mistakenly believe that this is “how the world really is.”

It is our subconscious beliefs that we are blind to, like the water to a fish or the air to a bird. We are blind to our beliefs and perspectives of the world, mistakenly thinking this is how things actually are for we simply don’t know any better. Anything we are unaware of controls us. Bringing awareness to what limits you automatically provides a space for its release. Automatically.

Healing

I don’t remember the last time I cried. This past week I’ve cried several times. Not in a “woe is me, my life sucks” sense, but simply in response to being willing to go deep within my self and look at all the stuff I’ve been afraid to acknowledge. Instead of trying to fix it and make it right, it’s sufficient to simply sit in that space and be okay with it. How long has it been since I’ve truly connected to my own heart and felt what it feels without running away from all its emotions?

What are the things you are most unwilling to face about yourself? What are your deepest fears? What about yourself are you ashamed of? What are you scared of? What are the darkest reaches of your own inner self that you are most terrified of facing?

Face that and look. They’re difficult questions, for sure, yet they need to be faced eventually.

It’s not necessarily a pleasant experience, but spiritual growth isn’t about pleasure or pain. It’s about knowing who you are to go beyond the dualistic nature of pleasure and pain entirely. The ego will do everything in its power to put the blame and responsibility on others, thereby protecting and justifying itself.

Yet being willing to be with the darkest depths of your personality, the things you most resist, bringing the light of your awareness into this is tremendously liberating.

There is pain within me, the pain of being human.

Yet even this pain I am willing to sit with, to surrender to, to feel “yes” towards, to accept and be present with, to feel vulnerable with, to bring the light of consciousness to.

I am here, fully conscious.

I am.

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8 Responses to “Accepting the Darkest Depths Within”

Mike said:

Hawkins says, “At 500+, that which is non-loving arises to be surrendered.” It seems once we’re free of the personality, big repressed clumps of darkness come up until they’re gone. I have a feeling this is what Steph’s going through, like a very advanced level of “I accept myself fully as I am.” I really look forward to hearing about your experiences integrating and healing your darkness! Stuart Wilde says, in The Art of Redemption, that your inner darkness is really your friend, that as long as it’s repressed you can’t use its power, or shield yourself from other darkness as you navigate your way to total freedom. This should be fun!

Ariel Bravy Reply:
October 18th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Yeah, it’s not so much a “problem” as it is repressed energy rising up to the surface to be flushed out. It’s like cleaning the emotional pipes within.

Annie Reply:
October 27th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Hey Ariel – I have a lot of repressed energy which I have attempted to use the Sedona Method with – allowing the resistance to be there – letting myself hang onto it etccc…

the thing is I’ve never really got the hang of it because it always seems like this “doer” comes in – this “you” that “trys” to let the resistance be there or trys to let go and nothing much happens.

Any pointers with this?

cheers

Ariel Bravy Reply:
October 27th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Yeah Annie, it’s just a choice to let it go or not. For some issues more than others, it takes a little more effort to really get to the root of the issue and get that light and liberating feeling of freedom.

For really stuck issues, it can be helpful to approach the issue from a number of angles. For example you can release on the advantages of having the issue, the disadvantages of having the issue, the advantages of not having the issue, the disadvantages of not having the issue, the desire to experience this issue, the desire to get rid of the issue, noticing if the issue is tied to a sense of approval, control, or security, and so on.

The main thing is not trying to “get rid of the issue,” but rather welcoming it and allowing it to be here totally, to become totally okay with its presence, and then to allow it to let go naturally.

Do you know how they drill for oil? They insert a long tube down into the ground and when they hit oil, the tremendous underground pressure causes the oil to automatically come shooting out of the ground. You’ve probably seen the movies where people shout, “We’ve stuck oil!” as oil goes shooting everywhere.

Another technique you can use is closing your eyes and feeling your body. Where does the issue feel like it is in your body? Chances are it’ll be somewhere in the stomach or chest area. Imagine a tube going into your stomach or chest area. The pressure and tension inside of you will automatically cause the issue to shoot out the tube, with zero effort on your part. Just feel the pressure in your body, visualize this tube, and allow the resistance to release naturally.

Apply these techniques and really get into them. See if that helps for ya.

Annie Reply:
October 28th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
cheers Ariel

That seems to help somewhat – the visualisation thing. It keeps it simple – I can get into a lot of mind – f***** trying to work it out with the advantages/disadvantages etc….. but the tube thing seemed to help somewhat as I applied it reading your instruction.

I notice it release somewhat and then the feeling sort of shifts so I assume the way to go would be to continue to visualize the tube in whatever next feeling presents itself?

Ariel Bravy Reply:
October 29th, 2008 at 3:13 am
Great, glad to hear that you’re finding a technique that works for you. It’s nice to have a few options in your spiritual toolbox and be able to select the appropriate tool for the job.

You’re bang on with the final question. Keep going deeper and deeper.
Jonas said:

Sadness can be so beautiful. Good luck with your soul-searhing

And, since I’m in a bit of a Iceland-fetishistic mood today, here’s a photographer I’m rather fond of: http://www.villimadur.is/

Jonass last blog post..In Solidarity With Iceland
Lissa said:

I’ve been really confused about this part but yes, I think this is where I have been lately….Letting go of the past attatchments and ideas…..we are taught to stay sooo attached to all these ideas, concepts and beliefs!

Thanks as alway! You are always a blessing!

Lissas last blog post..