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Getting Used to Being Emptiness, to Being

Okay, so let’s get into the nitty gritty of awakening for a bit. To be honest, there’s been quite a bit of struggle arising here, wanting desperately to return to the experience of wholeness, of unity, of the lack of lack, of the conscious recognition of what I am. One of the main issues about the human condition is the sense of lack within. We can talk about that void that people try to fill with food, sex, experiences, physical possessions, and so on. On a deep deep level, it feels like something’s missing and people will do whatever it takes to fill that void. From the perception of a separate self, I myself am not sufficient and thus I need something other than me to fill this gaping hole within me… but nothing I get is ever sufficient. If it does feel sufficient, it’s only temporary. Like a drug addict, I always need another fix. I always need more…

Now there’s a really weird experience that can arise after an initial non-abiding awakening. Basically what happens is that you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the egoic self is not you, that your thoughts have no reality, and that there is literally no such thing as a separate self, and yet simultaneously for some reason you continue to believe in and experience a separate self. You experience living life as a “me.” It can create a tremendous amount of conflict within, as if something has gone terribly wrong. You believe something and don’t believe something simultaneously. It’s really crazy to really experience both at the same time…

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Camping at 10,000 feet: Lessons on Giving and Receiving and the Subtleness of Intuition

Okay, first of all a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who donated the past few days. I am tremendously grateful to each and every one of you and I’d like you to know that yes, your gift makes a big difference. Not only that, it’s been really cool to hear some of the stories that have come forth after donating. For example, one reader/friend donated to me and also wanted to get a new pair of dance shoes. She then shared with me that the very next day, her dance teacher flat out gave her exactly the dance shoes she wanted and wouldn’t let her pay for them. Get this… the cost of the dance shoes was exactly the amount she’d donated! It’s really cool to see this flow of giving and receiving, how it works in both directions, and it’s on this note that I’d like to begin this post.

It seems like a big part of “being in the flow” is not only being open to receiving abundant blessings from the universe, from other people, and from every which way, but also being open to give what you have to offer. It’s important for both ends of the giving/receiving pipe be open for the best experience of flow. Now by giving, this doesn’t necessarily imply giving physical stuff like money or your possessions, although that’s certainly just as much a part of it as anything else. Less tangible things like a helping hand, a kind smile, an encouraging word, or even your time… these things can all be HUGE gifts… It seems like the greatest gift you can give is the gift of yourself in whatever form you show up. I don’t mean to make this sound like “I’m all that” or “I’m God’s gift to humanity” in an egotistical sense or any of that nonsense, but it seems like when you just naturally show up and shine your light, that seems to impact people more than anything you could possibly do by trying to give for whatever reason. It’s pretty surprising to me still to see over and over that life, for whatever reason, simply works best when I just give up trying to manifest this or make that happen or get this person to respond that way or any of that effort-based stuff… When I say “enough already” and just be myself and enjoy and appreciate what I already DO have, life is FAR more enjoyable, new things and people show up much more easily, and everything just works BETTER.

Since I’m enjoying just being myself more and more these days as opposed to trying to deliberately play the role of teacher or student as if this was all so serious :lol , let’s have a little fun here. Let’s tell a little story today… and since we’re playing like children, let’s make this story like a picture book. How ’bout that?

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Lessons From A Spontaneous Life on the Road

So I’ve been on the road about 5 weeks now, driven over 4600 miles, and have been living life in experimentation mode by applying various principles I’ve come to know and seeing how well they really work in this whole “real life” thing. I’ve made amazing friends partying at Mardi Gras, photographed a cheer and dance competition in Texas, skied in New Mexico, camped along the Rio Grande, hiked down into the Grand Canyon, had an ostrich bite my camera, been homeless in Colorado, discovered how every state has is very own distinct vibe, experienced the most ridiculous and consistent degrees of synchronicity, met amazing friends all over the country, had the universe repeatedly bring me all that I want including exactly the type of weather I want when I want it, been given free food and lodging all over the country… Quite honestly this is the most exciting and simultaneously the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.

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Product Review: Wayne Dyer – The Shift

Wayne Dyer has recently come out with a film called The Shift which is centered around the topic of recognizing how the ego operates in us, living a life beyond what the ego wants, and being lived by this higher power.

He discusses a number of excellent topics and there are a number of other characters who go through a shift from selfish egoic consciousness to a more loving life of service. It’s really well done.

He brings up many things discussed by Lao Tzu, quotes Byron Katie and A Course in Miracles, and really demonstrates what it’s like to live a life of service, appreciation, respect, and gentleness. I’ve never really looked into his stuff very much, but I really respect and enjoy what he did with this film.

One of the things that was really cool was that he discusses how this transformation of going beyond pure ego shifts in both men and women. For example, men are very success and achievement oriented in our society and the shift has them being more interested in spirituality and honesty than in trying to get respect and all. Women, on the other hand, are often taught by society to look pretty and devote themselves to others. After their shift, women often learn to appreciate and live for themselves instead of trying to please others. It’s discused in a bit more detail of course, but it was fascinating to see how drastically these shifts occur between the two sexes.

Another thing which was awesome was that it discussed spirituality in a very practical way. How parents can relate to their children, how to respond in relationships from an egoic point of view versus from something deeper, how to follow your passions and find your purpose in life, the importance of giving and how that plays out with respect to being lived by this higher power instead of trying to control life, and so on.

Really, very well done.

Great job to Wayne and the crew involved in the creation of the film!

The trailer I’ve posted below and the actual movie can be found online at Amazon.

Awareness of the Nonconceptual

Flaming Canyon by Marc Adamus

It seems that when many people start seeking the Truth, we look for some conceptual collection of ideas to actually BE the Truth. It could be “We are all one” or “Jesus is the son of God” or “We are a spiritual being having a human experience” or “You are the creator of your reality” or whatever else. We want to gather up a whole set of conceptual ideas and call them “The Truth” and it is what ideas should represent the “Truth” that people argue about. This is all very valuable, helpful, and transformative and finding a better set of ideas can very much help change and improve the quality of one’s life experience. For sure.

At the same time, there is something more than the conceptual, so much more. The nonconceptual.

Notice in this moment, awareness is aware. In fact there can be two things happening simultaneously. See if you can tell the difference. There is a) the concept of awareness that exists in the mind and b) nonconceptual awareness that is aware of all concepts of awareness.

Can you differentiate between the two? Being able to do so is KEY. It is a doorway beyond.

In order to go “beyond the mind” as if often said, we have to go beyond the conceptual and recognize the nonconceptual.

Take a moment to notice nonconceptual silence. Stillness.

Take a moment to notice the now moment as it is.

Take a moment to notice nonconceptual being/aliveness/existence/I Am’ness.

Take a moment to notice nonconceptual awareness.

We can read about and study spirituality, metaphysics, religion, psychology, philosophy, and so on all day long in search for the Truth. I’ve done it and I know many of you have as well. It’s all good. This is all typically the domain of the mind, of the conceptual, of temporary ideas that come and go and can be learned or forgotten. It’s all part of the game.

But what about that which is already here and exists without any effort whatsoever? What is so constantly here that like the clothing against our skin, after a while we get used to it and simply overlook it?

The classic finger pointing to the moon is pointing to the nonconceptual. The pointer is conceptual, but that to which the pointer points is nonconceptual.

What is uncreated, unmanifested, unborn, and yet vibrantly and eternally present?

You are that and it is your true nature, and it is right here, right now.

In Loss You Recognize Your Freedom

Some of you may have noticed that this website was down quite a bit over the past 24 hours. It turns out that my hosting company was doing some emergency repairs on the servers and this knocked everything out of whack. I’d contacted them from my hotel room in Utah to see what was up and they had told me that it looked like my account had been hacked, all my websites that I’ve been running for years (including this one) were completely wiped out, and there were no backups available. That was it. It was all gone.

How would you react to hearing such a thing?

What I found most interesting in my response was seeing that my emotional state didn’t really change and I experienced a sense of lightness and freedom in it. Now it’s gone, so what? Time to go out and hike! With respect to the loss, it was a fun process all along and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Recognizing that it was all gone, now I’m even more free to simply enjoy my life experience and realizations without having to get them written down. I can just experience the moment more purely. Sure the loss knocked out several of my sources of income, but the universe always provides more and I’m eager to see what will come next for me. I can always rebuild, fresh and anew.

A few hours later, they finished their repairs and it turns out that I wasn’t hacked afterall. It was just part of the changes they were making and everything had been restored. Well cool! Here we are, back in business.

Realizing Freedom Through Loss

It isn’t until we lose something that we really get to see just how attached or not we really were to it. We get to see to what degree we depended upon that thing for our sense of joy, well-being, happiness, or whatever else. This applies to things, people, identities, and so on. Very often we may think we’re not attached or we’re not sure if we are, but it’s only when it actually falls away that we get to find out for sure.

When you can lose everything, need nothing, and yet still enjoy what is present here and now in this moment, you’re free.

Losing the Desire to Debate and Explain

This awakening process seems to include a lot of different experiences and stages and fluctuations, many of which I don’t expect or even plan. One such thing is that I’m losing the desire to debate things with people or even explain what things are like. Its value seems to be quite limited. There’s more value in being the space for awakeness than in trying to do something to help “make it” happen, as if that was even possible.

I used to think that if I could illustrate things well enough to people, it would encourage them to quit seeking the illustrations by satisfying that search, but that desire can’t be satisfied through explanation.

With respect to words, it seems that they are of most value when they help cut through the mind, to help stop its unconscious patterns in its tracks so that Truth can be seen. I don’t mean that thought needs to stop altogether, but there is conditioning of the mind that most of us are completely oblivious to. It is by cutting through our unconscious conditioning that the veil it creates falls away.

Discussing Reality

When someone sees the Truth, sharing about our mutual experiences is a total blast. We can sit and speak for hours and hours on end, just sharing about our different perspectives of the One and what all has been experienced thus far along the way, and we both seem to grow and expand through this process.

When someone wants to come up and debate or argue about spirituality with me even the slightest, I feel my desire to take part in that discussion completely washing away. It’s like the desire to engage in that energy whatsoever is being flushed out. I can see that in arguing, they’re looking to strengthen their ideas and beliefs about spirituality, not actually see the Truth. It’s a subtle but critical distinction and is the basis for that classic story about “How can your teapcup be filled with something new if it is already full of old ideas?”

When someone asks what awakening is like, in this moment I’d rather simply tell them to listen to the silence than focus upon whatever words I could say. I can’t possibly explain awakening to anyone. Heck, even if I could, it still wouldn’t be sufficient! Silence is far more instructive, despite the appearance of there being “nothing there” in silence. The guru is within and it is always available.

The Wearing Out of Mental Dominance

Now I know this isn’t satisfying to the mind. It’s really not. It’s why we’re told to “be still” or “listen to the silence” or “focus on the I Am” and yet we continue asking, seeking, reading, and wanting to know. We want that which satisfies the mind, not that which will actually take us beyond it. I know… it’s a dilemma that so many of us face. It’s almost like the mind comes with some built-in programming that says “What you want is outside of you.” This is very normal. We want what satisfies the mind at first, at least until we get a lot of mental satisfaction and we discover for ourselves that that alone simply is not satisfying.

It seems that this desire for mental satisfaction has to eventually wear itself out, and life is wonderful in helping us come to this space. I remember Adyashanti once making a crack about telling people to run and run towards the Truth, as if what they’re seeking is right around the next corner.

When the seeker exhausts itself and the energy of seeking collapses, what is already HERE is revealed to be the golden nugget.

The Truth is what you are, not something other than you to be found.

The Truth… I didn’t find it and neither will you.

I’m Awake, Now What?

The other day I had a wonderful conversation with a guy who’d contacted me through my blog. It’ s so funny how frequently this sort of dialog arises so I’d like to share it with you guys here. Our conversation in a nutshell was like this:

Reader Question:

Dear Ariel, I have no idea what is happening to me, but all I can say is that now it feels like I’m awake. It literally feels like my whole life has been a dream and all along I had no idea that it was a dream. Now I am awake.

I used to be very materialistic and now none of that seems to matter. Now I want to know the Truth about life. I used to be really into religion but there was so much that felt off about it that it lead to a lot of struggle for me and internal conflict. Now I can look back at the scriptures and see that they’re simply about love. Anyways, there has been this big shift inside me and I’m really confused. What do I do now?

My Response:

Nothing! There’s nothing that you need to do. Really.

This initial awakening that you experienced happened on its own with your personal involvement, did it not? The rest of the process is like this too. The more you get in the way and try to make it happen, speed it up, get it right, or whatever else, the more you simply just impede the progress. This is about surrendering and allowing, not making something happen. Surrender is the name of the game here.

You see, there is something much deeper at work here than the limited mind/body individual we see on the surface. There’s much more happening behind the scenes. IT is what does the work, not the individual who apparently does stuff in this physical reality. In the same way that the first awakening simply happened without you having to deliberately make it happen, the rest of the process will unfold for you just the same. Your job, if there is one, is simply to sit back and allow it to happen.

You’ve studied religion in the past and been told what to believe. People say things like “I believe in God” or “I believe in a higher power.” This is a statement that would arise from someone who has not yet had the internal realization of what God IS, or more accurately who THEY are. It’s what they think or what they believe, not what they clearly and unequivocally KNOW. This isn’t bad or wrong. Just recognize that it is yet another stage in the path, a valid and often necessary path. Yet what we’re talking about here is not adopting another belief system, or even about being told of another belief system that should or shouldn’t be adopted. What’s being suggested is to continue to allow the inner being that is already at work here to shift the totality of YOU on its own. We all have this capacity for wisdom and knowing within, without having to be told the answers by religions, gurus, or teachers. This inner wisdom is what the world’s great teachers have all come to access. As you have found, when you’re simply told some answers (regardless of whether or not they’re correct), they’re simply not satisfying. Not in the end. Not really.

What you are looking for is within and it is up to you to turn within and find it here. There’s nothing here you have to do. It’s already in progress and all is unfolding beautifully. Simply just relax and allow the process to unfold. Go about your life, do your things, and notice what is arising. Just be in the moment. Everything that needs to happen is happening at just the right time, without you having to do anything at all. Just relax and all the continued awakenings, realizations, understandings, dissolvings, shifts, and so on will happen at their own rate.